Soul Thumping

That Which Does Not Kill us Makes us More Depressed?

Quintron and Miss Pussycat played last night at a local venue and Pat (my man) and I attended the show, which was sublimely stupefying!  If you ever get the chance to see these performers, please do so!  Though Quintron and Miss Pussycat were stellar, they aren't the actual topic of my scribbling today.  The story is with the band opening for Quintron and Miss Pussycat.

I won't mention this opening band's name (in truth, I don't think I remember it), but they had the typical rumbustious garage band sound bordering on annoying (before I go any further, let me say these are my personal opinions), and I will have forgotten all about their performance by the end of today, except for a line from one of the songs they belted out last night:  "That which does not kill us makes us more depressed."

Everyone knows (ok, I'm making assumptions here when I say everyone) that this line is based on the original quote by the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, "that which does not kill us makes us stronger."  When I heard it last night, it stuck in my head immediately and I found it funny.  When I woke up this morning, the phrase was still in my head so I thought I would jot it down.

Being that I'm still unemployed, submitting resumes every day, getting no call backs, not even one "no thank you" letter, ok, I digress, I apologize.  Being that I'm still seeking employment and trying to keep the proverbial stiff upper lip by going about my days in a self-induced state of happy denial, the line from the song made me think how easy it is for people to go from "stronger" to "depressed."

I know it's just a flip of a word, but what a fine line people these days are walking between those two words.  One tiny incident could cause someone to switch from optimism to pessimism.  So, avoid this and remember my advice from an early posting:  let's turn off the news and stop listening to the media's fear mongering.

In these gloomy dark days, we need some of Nietzsche's optimism (no offense to the garage band's interpretation...it is quite clever).  Here are some of my favorite Nietzsche thought-provoking quotes that put a smile on my face!  Enjoy these and enjoy your day:

        "And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh."

        "Glance into the world just as though time were gone: and everything crooked will become straight to you."

        "One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star."

        "Wit is the epitaph of an emotion."

        "I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain, torture it endures and knows how to turn to its advantage."

        "Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule."

-Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Memories of Springs Past

Spring has sprung, and I can't even begin to explain how wonderful it feels to sit in the open breeze of early evening, sipping a nice cold micro-brew, jotting down my thoughts and feelings as they blow through me with each subtle gust of warm air.  Spring is inspirational to a writer (I'm sure most writers would agree with me), and having just purchased my first home in October, I've had such a fantastical time waking up and discovering what plants and flowers are springing to life in my backyard this early in the season.  The almost daily surprise of spring wildlife (both the plant and animal varieties) at my doorstep leaves me awestruck at times, really.  I'm a huge fan of Mother Nature, and this time of year, she reigns supreme.

Mother Nature holds us captive during spring.  Even the most hardened of hearts can't help but feel inspired and at peace when the warm winds blow (some may not admit it of course, depending on how "hardened" those hearts really are) as we silently beg for renewal.  For me, though I'm unemployed and having a hard time finding employment after having just purchased a home, I am somehow able to put the stress aside and enjoy the spring.  I have a smile on my face now as I think back on some of my fondest spring memories.  I'll share them, though they may not seem significant to most, these small memories of mine may provoke some wonderful memories in others and that makes it worth the typing effort:

• Playing outside until after dark with my siblings, Melissa and Sean when we were kids
• Building tree forts at the end of our street in Social Circle, GA with my sister Melissa and best friend Jenny at age 8 or 9
• Hiking in the woods behind my grandparents house and discovering a mass of purple/pink trillium when I was 12 or 13
• Driving downtown on Saturday nights with friends to watch the midnight showing of "Rocky Horror Picture Show" at the age of 17 and 18
• My first Durham Bulls baseball game with friends and beer at the age of 21
• My sister Melissa and I at an outdoor Peter, Paul and Mary concert; under the stars, soaking up the sounds, when we were 23
• My friend Liz and I during an early, unusually warm Raleigh spring, trekking around the park and goofing off when I was 26
• Outdoor restaurants in Philadelphia with friends when I first moved there, getting to know the city - age 27
• Stepping outside of a yoga class during the first weeks of spring, feeling renewed and alive! - age 33
• My first spring living in downtown Nashville, going out to dinner with Melissa and friend Shay
• My very first spring, back in Raleigh, in my very first house, watching the birds from my sun porch and thinking life doesn't get much better than this - age 40!

Re-live your own spring memories now!  Go ahead, it won't hurt and I guarantee a smile bursts across your face.  Go out and enjoy spring.  It doesn't last long, but maybe you can make a memory of this one that will last you forever (even if you are unemployed and miserable).  Please feel free to comment on your own spring memories.  I would love to hear them!

Now That I'm Forty...Snoring?

Two days ago I woke up to a sound so ghoulish that I’ve had tremors since:  the sound was that of my own snoring!  The reason for my theatrics and hysteria is that I've never snored in my life.  My twin sister, who shared a room with me for most of our childhood and teenage years, can corroborate this fact.  I don’t snore; so, why now?

Could age be causing this phenomenon?  I only ask because I turned forty in February, and now that I’m forty, people feel compelled to tell me about changes they personally experienced upon turning forty.  Some of my favorites are:  inability to make a fist (I just tried this and happy to report, I can still make a fist), some loss in bladder control (really?), insomnia, a discernible loss of short term memory, and an inability to multi-task as efficiently as before.    

Well, I can make a fist, I’ve yet to experience loss in bladder control, I’ve suffered from bouts of insomnia throughout my adult life so I think I’m used to that.  I will admit my short term memory is waning, but I blame that on too many Phish concerts in my 20s and 30s.  I’ve always been a capable multi-tasker, and I’ve seen no significant decline in my abilities so far, so all-in-all, I think I’m holding up rather well for a forty year old.

As I recall (keep in mind my short term memory is shot), I was actually looking forward to turning forty.  When the big day arrived a few months ago, it was uneventful, and no traumatic breakdown in the bathroom with me screaming, “What happened to my thirties?”  I’ve truly been enjoying forty.  That is, until two days ago when I woke myself up with my own snoring.  Oh well, at least I didn’t wet the bed and I can still make a fist!

Purchases I Refuse to Give Up While Unemployed

For those who've read my blog, you know I'm unemployed now, and trying to keep a positive happy little life going.  Shopping is (yikes...was) a favorite pastime of mine so the biggest challenge I have is resisting the impulse to spend.  Before I was laid off this year, I made quite a substantial salary and I never worried about clipping coupons or comparison shopping.  I went for convenience and my favorite items over cost because money wasn't an issue.  Ah, how the winds have shifted!

Now that my substantial salary is substantially less, I decided last week I should make a list of at least some things I can do without, but I ended up making a list of purchases that I won't do without, even if I have to sell plasma.  Of course, this could change in the coming months if I still find myself unemployed, but here is what I can't give up and why:

Organic foods - For the past year, at least 85-90% of the food I've purchased and consumed has been organic/free range.  I feel healthier and happier knowing I'm putting less chemicals in my bod.  Now that spring/summer is here, local farmers markets are open and local produce is much cheaper at the markets than grocery stores, so I am more able to continue this on unemployment.

Fresh flowers for the week - This may sound a bit decadent to most people, but about 10 years ago, while going through a very depressing episode in my life, my doctor suggested I do one small nice thing for myself, just for me, each week.  So, I started buying myself flowers from the local florist on my street.  I still buy myself flowers each week, a practice I've kept now for over 10 years, but I find manager's specials at the grocery store rather than at the more expensive florists.  So, instead of giving up the ritual, which after all these years still makes me happy, I just buy less expensive arrangements.

Diet Coke - Or, as my boyfriend calls it, "Devil Juice", is an addiction I have.  I know it is terrible for me, especially after replacing my other foods with natural products, but it is a habit I can't seem to break, and I don't have a strong desire to replace it with a healthier one.  Someone suggested acupuncture to cure the habit, though I haven't looked into it as of yet.  Maybe one day soon I'll wake up and think, "I'm not consuming this vile drink anymore."  But not today!

Now, off to the farmers market.

Enjoying Unemployment?

When I first started my blog, I mentioned being unemployed and a little worried (like everyone else), but that I didn't want to add to the already pessimistic climate we find ourselves in by blogging about how terrible unemployment is and woe is me, so I've developed a stronger positive attitude and outlook and I'm taking advantage of my "time off" by filling it with cool activities instead of worrisome, bothersome thoughts.

The bothersome thoughts cannot possibly land me a job.  So, since they only serve to keep me down, why have them?  Right!  It is this thinking that has brought me to where I am now:  more relaxed, taking the chance to try new things (like creating a blog), writing everyday to improve my craft, working out several times/week again to feel better, etc.

I think I was originally feeling guilty for enjoying these things because hey, I'm unemployed and I should feel stressed and worried.  Nonsense!  For anyone else who is unemployed, Iet me share with you what I've discovered that helps me feel better,  I don't want to sound like I'm some sticky sweet Doris Day wannabe (although Doris rocks...I own a Doris Day CD) or little miss happy pants, but this is what I do to keep from getting depressed and it may help others as well.

1.     I get up every morning, early.  By early, I mean before 9am (at the very latest).  On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I actually get up at 5:30 to go to a workout group.  I shower, dress, and eat breakfast.  I have two three things to point out here:

o    You should always eat breakfast.  Healthy proteins and whole grains.  I typically eat a slice of Ezekiel sprout bread (flourless) and half of a banana.  You gain a great deal of energy by eating breakfast

o    You always want to get dressed, even if you are just going to sit at the computer and job search, get dressed!  It really does help.  No pajamas after 9am!

o    Exercise is extremely important.  I’ve suffered from chronic depression since adolescence, and I’ve never felt better than I have in the past 3 or 4 years because of regular exercise.  Even a walk down the street and back is good.

2.     I spend two to three hours after breakfast job searching.  This doesn’t just include going on-line and looking at Monster.com (I’m not knocking Monster, I use it also).  Sign up for email alerts from the major job sites, especially those specific to your field.  I use several technology sites.  Here are some other things I do:

o    Even if I’m not a 100% fit for a position, I apply anyway.  I’ve applied for so many jobs that I’m not quite qualified for, and the worst that happens is I don’t get a call back

o    I keep a spreadsheet of all jobs I’ve applied for and the status

o    I reach out to former colleagues and have asked (and received) letters of recommendation and I include those when I apply for a job.

o    If you are not on LinkedIn.com, you may want to join.  It’s free, and I’ve talked to many technical recruiters who go to LinkedIn.com to view a potential employee’s profile before they ever call them in

o    Take breaks from your job searching.  A 5 minute break from the computer and a quick arm stretch works wonders

3.     Do something you love.  I spend 30 minutes to an hour on household “chores” then I try to do something I enjoy.  Planning my dinner menu for the rest of the week, going for a jog around the lake, reorganizing my shoe closet, cooking, working in the yard.  I even pulled out my yogurt maker and made my own organic Greek yogurt.  Read, write in your journal, and if you don’t have one, start one.  I enjoy watching birds at my bird feeder from my sun porch.  I also enjoy watching my cats stare down the birds at the bird feeder (don’t worry; the cats can’t get to them).

4.     Take a leap.  Try something new, start a new career, look into starting your own business.  Brainstorm.  You could even change the course of your life during this “down time” and be much better in the long run.

Again, if you find yourself unemployed, do what you can do in the way of job searching, but you have very little control over this current economic hell, so try to stay positive while weathering the storm.  In the words of Doris Day, "Que Sera, Sera" (Whatever Will Be, Will Be).

Life Was Simple With School House Rock on Saturday Mornings

While performing my daily on-line job searching this morning, I threw in the "School House Rock! Rocks" CD from my CD collection (that I have this in my collection shouldn't surprise anyone after my confessing to owning the "Brady Bunch Kids" CD).  The "School House Rock! Rocks" CD is a compilation of indie artists/groups covering the Saturday morning educational cartoon breaks that ran during the 70s/80s.  I remember jumping out of bed on Saturday mornings, so glad that I didn't have to go to school, and my sis and bro and I would turn on the clunky ugly console TV in the family room and watch Saturday morning cartoons, interspersed with the School House Rock bits.  You remember those (if you are of a certain age, you must), right?

Anyway, while listening to the CD and looking for a job (sigh), memories of childhood Saturday mornings came gushing back.  Remember the Sid and Marty Krofft shows:  "Land of the Lost", "H.R. Pufnstuf", "Sigmund and the Seamonsters", "Electra Woman and Dyna Girl", and "Lidsville (the one with the big magic hat)"?  I think during the 70's Sid and Marty Krofft were accused of doing pot and LSD because their shows were so bizarre!  They were awesome.

What a much simpler time then.  I didn't have to worry about mortgage payments, unemployment, health insurance, taxes, etc.  My parents took care of all that.  My job was to eat Cheerios, play outside, go to school and make sure my homework was done.  I miss the simple things in life that didn't seem so significant back then, but apparently they were because I long for them now.  Enough of a jaunt down memory lane; back to the job search.  Enjoy your day

Regardless of What Some Say, 'Irregardless' is Not a Word. Or is it?

I'm not the first, and I won't be the last to blog about the validity of the "word" irregardless.  It isn't a word, or at least that's what I was taught in school.  Unfortunately, because so many people use it (and it hurts my ears when they do), I believe it has been accepted now as a real word.  I’m only bringing this up because I actually encountered the use of this 'non-word' twice yesterday (and as I'm unemployed and trying to keep my mind off of little things like mortgage payments and electric bills, I've developed a strange fascination with unimportant bothersome things)!  These were two different people in two different places, which blew my mind.

If you do a search on "irregardless" in most of the on-line dictionaries, which I did last night, it does appear, but with a note that it isn't typically considered a real word.  Whew!  Sadly, when I did a spell check on this posting, the spell checker considers irregardless a word because I didn't get a warning pop-up.

I don't have much else to offer on the subject today, except my personal opinion, which is:  don't use it.  Use regardless instead.  Please, I beg you.

I did find some interesting blogs/articles on the subject, including wikipedia and I've included a couple of the links below:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irregardless

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-9796217-1.html

Oh, I almost forgot this link...one of my favorite brunch spots in Raleigh, NC, The Irregardless Cafe

Enjoy the day!

 

Facebook Snubs. Really?

I joined Facebook nearly a year ago, and since that time I’ve received a hefty number of invites from people I went to high school with, some I knew and were friends with, and some I didn’t know well or hang out with.  When I get an invite from someone, I always accept it (unless I have no idea who the person is).  I enjoy reading what folks are up to and how they turned out, who they became, etc.  Let’s face it, during high school none of us really knew who we truly were yet, so it’s fun to see who these people turned out to be.

When I receive an invite to be someone’s friend on Facebook, to me, it means that someone is interested enough in me and what I’ve done with my life, or at least interested in having me be interested in them, and I am, especially people from high school.  Even if I wasn’t really tight with them or barely knew them, I’m curious to what they’ve been up to, who they married (if they married), how many kids they have, what career path they chose, etc.  Let me say this.  I’ve never NOT (I know that is a double-negative, but many people use it to get a point across, so I’m going to as well) accepted an invitation from anyone on Facebook that I went to high school with.  I’m cool like that.

I’m discovering, sadly enough, that some people from high school still haven’t matured beyond those years (and for me, high school graduation has been over 20 years!).  I’ve sent a couple of Facebook invitations that have gone unaccepted.   Apparently, they’ve become such a success that they don’t need to be “my” friend or care what I’ve been up to.  When I didn’t hear back from a couple of people, I thought, “Oh no!  I’ve been snubbed on Facebook!” 

I got over the snubbing quickly enough.  I am glad I grew up and my natural curiosity for people takes precedence over some high school cliques from 20+ years ago.  Growth is important and if folks are still stuck in some sort of time warp think of all the cool people they are cheating themselves out of getting to know.  Ah, enough said.  I’m going out for a jog around the lake and enjoy the day!  I hope you do as well.

Adapt and Accept Mantra?

While waiting in my doctor's office last week, I was thumbing through a magazine, the typical doctor office sort (Better Homes & Gardens, Redbook, Ladie's Home Journal, etc.), and my eyes were drawn to a small box with a bold red circle around it.  The box contained a comment written in by a loyal reader.  This reader suggested that in order to feel better emotionally and take charge of our busy, out-of-control lives we should all repeat this mantra everyday:  accept and adapt.

I've tried using mantras before to quiet my mind and take control of my chaotic obsessions.  I've also tried basic meditation, Zen meditation, chanting and yoga, all without succeeding in blowing away my static-like brain noise.  I'm not knocking these activities.  On the contrary, I know many people who have become quite skilled in these practices and have incorporated them in their daily routine.  I admire them.  I myself used to enjoy yoga a great deal.  I just haven't gone to a class in some time.

It's my own fault that I didn't succeed in getting my scattered brain under control.  The issue is this:  I can't keep my inner thoughts quiet long enough to have a breakthrough, or find my true calling, or whatever is supposed to happen to me with the continued practice of these peaceful arts.  I know, it takes discipline and practice to become skilled at finding inner peace, and after much practice I'll soon learn to improve the control I have over keeping my brain quiet.  I've heard that before and I am sure it is true.  But, what if I don't want to?  I mean, my mind is a mess.  I'll be the first to stand up and shout it out.  Imagine the most unorganized, grungy, stuff-strewn-everywhere, cluttered room you have ever seen in your life.  Can you picture that?  That's my mind!  Others find it a mess and simply cannot understand it, but I know exactly where everything is kept in there (the pop-psychology word for this I believe is "compartmentalized")!

Knowing exactly how my head is organized (pretty or not), and knowing that my mind is a muddled ball of messy energy, I am ok.  At the age of 40, I think I've accepted and adapted.  I know I'm high-strung and my mind goes from one mad place to the next, and I tend to keep myself bemused because of it, but it is ok.  In fact, it is such an integral part of who I am, I don't want to change.  So, after reading the "accept and adapt" mantra suggestion in the magazine, I realize I'm already there.  I'm ahead of the game, but for those who aren't, and who still feel the need to try to clear the clutter, maybe it is time to recite the daily mantra:  accept and adapt."

Yes, the Cat Can Hike

Yesterday, as I mentioned, we went hiking with our friends Nick and Theresa (or N & T as we call them).  They have a clever tabby cat named Dickon (he was so named after the character in "The Secret Garden").  Dickon usually accompanies N & T on their hikes or walks, and the first time I heard about this, I was utterly amazed.  My two cats, though they like to visit the outdoors for a couple of minutes at a time, are house cats to the nth degree.  They would never, ever follow me on a walk without running off, getting lost, and remaining traumatized in a "cat"atonic state for their remainder of their 9 lives.

Dickon is obviously a bit braver (and probably smarter) than my cats, because he actually hikes and can keep up!  I am now a witness to the wonders of Dickon the Hiking Cat!  I noticed immediately that he seemed excited about getting in the car for our day trip, and showed no sign of hesitation.  The drive to our destination was approximately an hour.  When we arrived, he was ready to go.  We began walking down an old road toward the lake, and he was so taken, it seems, with the woods and the smells of an early spring that he wanted to go his own way and ignore the humans, but N & T got his attention again, and we were off to the edge of the lake.

The lake, and water in general, did not appear to be an issue for Dickon (my cats want nothing to do with it, except drinking), and I was in awe of his complete infatuation with the woods and his surroundings.  He was absorbed in the day!  He lagged behind only a couple of times, but soon circled around to us again, not a care in the world and wanting to explore every inch of the woods.

Explore he did.  He bravely followed Nick across a log over a creek when none of the other "humans" on the trip dared to follow (with good reason because our Mr. Nick fell on the way back)!  Dickon even managed to craw into a hole in the ground, created by loose tree roots.  He hung out in the hole for a bit, resting, then came back to join us for the hike back to our vehicle.

While hiking out of the woods, Dickon was panting a bit, after all, it's much harder for him to keep up with us than for us keeping up with him.  He took a brief cat nap in the car on our journey back home, but he seemed content and proud of his accomplishments for the day.  I'm hoping to go hiking with Dickon again, if he will allow it.  I'm not the veteran hiker that he is, but he didn't seem to mind too much.  I wonder if they sell kitty-sized hiking boots at REI?