Aliens: Partie Deux

Now I'm thinking I might actually be an alien (see yesterday's post) and I haven't received my copy of "How to Integrate Into Human Society" book yet--yesterday I accused my neighbor of not reading his copy.  If that is the case, and I truly am an alien, I will be more than overjoyed!  It explains so much.

For instance, instead of cutting my fingernails off with the bread knife every time I slice a bagel, I would do the wise thing and buy a bagel slicer (if I were a human).  They really aren't all that expensive.  This is amazing news!  I'm not brain deficient after all!  I am an alien, and I just haven't read the chapter on bagels in the alien handbook yet.

Instead of cleaning the cat litter box when it begins to smell, I simply hold my nose and pretend it doesn't exist.  A human would clean the box; an alien doesn't know to do so.  We usually eat cats (didn't the little furry alien ALF do that on the 80's tv show??), we don't clean up after them.

If I were a human instead of an alien, rather than letting my blood pressure skyrocket because I fret over not being able to decide if I should go to the store or not, I would realize that it isn't that big of a decision so I shouldn't make it that big of a deal.

Damn!  Wait a minute...I'm not an alien.  I'm neurotic.

 

--Fortuitous Observer