Rant: Put Down the Cell Phone, and You're Grounded

Today is a gorgeous early fall-like day and I'm in a reasonably good mood, though it is only 8:10 in the morning.  This little post is something I started writing a couple of months ago but I forgot to publish it.  Because I'm lazy this morning I thought I would go ahead and just publish it.  So, for anyone who has already been annoyed today by cell phone users...enjoy.

I know there are many blogs out there containing rants about cell phone users, and I'm now joining the ranks.  Folks, if you think for one second you are having a private conversation when you are on your cell phones outside of your own home, think again, and I mean think really hard about what you are saying, because I have a journal full of your embarrassing conversations, and one day, before I die, I plan on publishing them, along with your names (though I only have a few of those), where you were, what you were doing, but most importantly, what you were saying.

While living in Philadelphia a few years ago, I used to take the regional rail to my company's downtown office on occasion.  One morning on my usually quiet and relaxing train ride, a woman, who was very loud I must say, was explaining to the listener on the other end of her cell phone about her visit to the doctor the day before and about her, let me just say, "unmentionable itch" and that she got a subscription - though I'm pretty sure she meant prescription, "for some cream."  Don't do this, I'm begging anyone (who is everyone these days) to limit your cell phone calls to only the utmost benign, clear of disgust and vomit-inducing conversations.  Again, I'm saying please.

A local restaurant in my area actually has a great sign above the order counter alerting customers to order first, then you may talk on your phone, but not at the same time.  Kudos for this restaurant!  Unfortunately, more restaurants and fellow planet Earth citizens, don't do enough at chastising those rude creightons who don't know how to function well in polite society.  Obviously their parent's didn't teach them--having Gameboy, television and Ritalin as babysitters--so it is up to those who have some idea of what behavior is acceptable and what isn't acceptable when one is outside in the real world.

Though texting is a bit more private than talking on a cell phone, it has another set of annoyances (too many to even discuss this morning).  Just yesterday evening a local news channel reported that dentists are having a huge issue with people texting while in the dental chair and it interferes with their being able to work properly on the patient's teeth.  Here is an idea, and I want every dentist to hear this:  yank a few of those pearly whites right out of the mouth and I assure you, the texting will end.  If you can't do the work in which the patient is paying you for because they are too stupid to put down the little black box with the pretty letters and numbers on it, tell them to get out of the chair and reschedule their appointment for a day they have time.  Better yet, put up a big neon sign in the office stating, "NO CELL PHONES OR TEXTING ALLOWED IN THIS OFFICE."

Again, nothing you say on a cell phone out in public is private.  Most of us don't care what you are having for dinner tonight or what you are wearing to the movies, or how many people Jan made out with at the party, or why your hernia operation had to be rescheduled.  "Can you hear me now?"  Yes, unfortunately dumb asses, we can.

--Fortuitous Observer