I'm fond of all of my coworkers, but one in particular puts a wide smile on my face. He is so pleasant and funny, and he is real. He often uses this phrase: "Oh, my soul." With his deep southern accent though, it sounds more like, "Ole, mah sole!" I love it. I can't recall having ever heard this phrase used before I met him.
As sparkly as "Oh my soul" is, and as giggly as it makes me, it was outdone by this gem (used by another coworker last week when describing an annoying relative): "She looks like death sucking a sponge." I had to cover my mouth to keep from spitting my water on her, and even then, some of that water leaked through my fingers.
Hold your horses - Who hasn't heard or used that old dull phrase, right? Well, I worked with a guy from Russia who used to say to me, "Calm down your horses" when I would get all panicky about project deadlines. I like his translation better, and it's so much funnier hearing it with a Russian accent.
Lawd love a duck! - A guy in my 5th grade class was a frequent user of this phrase (he actually said Lawd instead of Lord). Yes, 5th grade. He was an old man before his time.
My dad liked to use this one when one of us was blocking the television: "You make a better door than a window." My dad was also a fan of, "You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine." OK, this is fun. One more. Dad also spouted this one out from time to time: "She's deader than a doornail." I never understood this saying either. First, what is a door nail? Second...do you think my dad had some strange obsession with doors?
Saturday mornings, growing up Gen X, were the best (and I've blogged about Gen X Saturdays more than once). We got up, fixed our Cheerios, and parked ourselves in front of the television to watch cartoons. Saturday morning cartoons were followed by the ABC Weekend Special (hosted by Willie Tyler and his ventriloquist puppet, Lester). I lived for those episodes in the early 80s, especially the spookier episodes.
Today's Five for Friday - 5 of my favorite ABC Weekend Special episodes (and a YouTube link, if I could one):
"The Haunted Mansion" - Original aired in 1983, in two parts (the great ones were always in 2 parts), and starred a very young Christian Slater. This was my favorite, and I'm sad I couldn't find it on YouTube. New girl in the neighborhood. Christian Slater's character tells her house was owned by a creepy old miser who disappeared. Secret room in house, searching for fortunes, etc.
"The Red Room Riddle" - Also airing in 1993, this story is the typical, if-you-want-to-be-part-of-the-cool-kids-club-you-must-prove-it fare, but it was (and still is, in my opinion) spooky. I like the graininess of these clips. Takes me back. Way back.
"The Haunting of Cassie Palmer" - This one wasn't actually a part of the official ABC Weekend Special series, but it aired in the early 80s, around the same time, over several Saturdays, so I'm including it in my list because I associate it with ABC Weekend Special. It was a British children's drama, consisting of 6 episodes, and I found them on YouTube! I've linked to the first episode. Cassie's mother was a psychic who has been accused of fraud. It turns out that Cassie may have the "gift" herself and conjures up a spirit in a graveyard. I won't spoil it! If you can get through the poor quality of the recordings, it's an eerie good time.
"The Gold Bug" - Part I and II aired in 1980. It is based on Edgar Allan Poe's short story, "The Gold-Bug," starring...Anthony Michael Hall. Secrets and buried treasure! What more could a Gen X kid want out of a Saturday afternoon?
"The Ghost of Thomas Kempe" - Originally aired in 1979. I would like to watch the entire episode again (this one aired in 2 parts also). Family moves into new house. Young boy encounters poltergeist. Creepy.
It has been 11 long years, but tomorrow, I will once again be a palindrome...I will be 44. Do I expect to see a herd of fluffy white unicorns in my front yard when I roll out of bed on my birthday? No, but that would be the best birthday present in the history of birthday presents. You know, I wasn't quite sure if more than one unicorn is referred to as unicorns or unicorn (like deer), so I googled it, and apparently, it is common knowledge (to all but moi) that a herd of unicorns is actually referred to as a "blessing." Good God, we never stop learning, do we?
I just spent 2 of the last 5 minutes reflecting on my last palindromic age: 33. I believe I expected it to be spectacular, simply because it was a palindrome, and I was disappointed that not one magical thing happened to me that year (that I can recall...I can tell you, no unicorns sang "Happy Birthday" to me). 33 turned out to be quite dull. When I was 22 I doubt I realized I had reached a palindromic age, and at 11, I couldn't have given you the definition of palindrome, so progress has been made.
So, what does 44 mean to me? Nothing really. I've matured enough to know this birthday will be devoid of all things mystical, and I won't see those unicorns grazing in the front yard (they would starve...no grass there now anyway). The skies will not be filled with rainbows, unless the circumstances are just right, and the odds are not worth considering. No, it will be just another birthday, but another day alive, another day to breathe, so I will be excited. Who knows, maybe Poseidon will bake me a unicorn-shaped birthday cake?
What have I done since reaching my last palindromic milestone? In a brainstorm fury, here is what I can come up with (though I cannot remember every bump, scrape, or pat on the back) in no real order (I mean, that is the point of brainstorming, right?), and forgive my punctuation, as that is never important when brainstorming--something else I've picked up in the last 11 years:
Went through 2 or 3 relationships, had some bad dates (remind me to tell you someday about the guy who wanted to be a cat and was having whiskers implanted in his cheeks, if I haven't already), had some good dates, decided singledom was the life for me, lost some weight, got back in shape, moved twice (2 different states), bought a house, started a blog, met Poseidon, got engaged, changed my mind about singledom, got married, changed jobs twice, lived through a recession (is it over?) joined Facebook, joined Polyvore, joined Pinterest, joined several other online time sucks that I can't remember now, sent approximately 10,000 emails to spam, had my gallbladder removed, made many new friends, grew apart from some old friends, lost my father to cancer, traveled to (some for work, some for pleasure): Brussels, London, Dominican Republic, Alaska, Oklahoma City, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Seattle, Turks & Caicos, West Virginia, White Plains, NYC, Austin, San Antonio, Nashville, Albuquerque, Santa Fe, The Outer Banks, Atlanta, Newberry SC, Cedar Key, DC, Bahamas, Tampa, took up running, ran a few 5Ks, managed to not kill my two cats (still), took up sewing, attended countless concerts, took up biking again, attended some boxing classes, sporadic yoga practice, had only 1 cavity, had a couple of moles removed, more than 20 facials, neck surgery, probably bought more than 150 pairs of shoes, changed my hair color at least 4 times, did some house remodeling (nearly resulting in divorce...do not try to replace a toilet with your husband...call a flipping plumber, please), bought several cell phones including the smartphone I have now, changed my mind about PC's superiority over macs, decided there isn't any age I would revisit, made peace with myself, and most importantly, learned to relinquish some of my imagined control over the universe back to the universe...where it oh most certainly belongs. I'm exhausted.
I haven't done a Five for Friday in some time now!
Poseidon and I watched Alfred Hitchcock's "Marnie" last night, and I now have a girl crush on Tippi Hedren. I've seen "The Birds" several times, but I paid little attention to how gorgeous she was, but in "Marnie," I paid attention, and she was lovely! So, for this long overdue Five for Friday post, my five girl crushes, in no particular order:
Because the management company of the complex where my office is located has been pumping bad, very bad, Christmas music out into the courtyard since Monday, I'm a little on the snarky side today. I wouldn't mind so much, because I'm feeling the Christmas spirit and all, but they are playing the same 3 damn songs over and over and over and over and over. The sound is making me want to seal Santa, all of his elves and everything else Christmas related into an escape-proof cell, in the jungle, with every jingle bell ever made (I would never do that of course, because I am a greedy one, and I still want my presents).
I have a smidgen of crankiness in me, but my will to get over it is strong, and I thank Friday for that. This week has been one of the longest weeks, ever, for no real reason other than I can't look at one more pretty process flow chart or troubleshoot one more XML file. I keep thinking if I stare at it long enough, the XML will rewrite itself. It is Christmastime (don't get annoyed that I'm using a big red font here) and magic stuff can happen, can't it? I just saw a unicorn outside.
OK, here we go:
I doubt 2 - 5 of this Five for Friday post will compare with this first one, but please read on or you will hurt my feelings. I found a blog post this morning that had my sides aching from the commentery on strange Christmas lyrics, and the post is better than that peanut butter I had for breakfast. I will give you a sample, but please--pretty?--read the full blog post so you can laugh so hard you get cramps (then you can go home for the day):
"And why is the couple planning this sham snow wedding saying to the
parson, “Hey, man, you can do this wedding when you’re in town.” First
of all, I think it’s just a tad disrespectful to refer to this snow
pastor as “man”, second, “when he’s in town?” You just crafted
him out of snow! He’s not going anywhere, you didn’t even give him legs.
I’m pretty sure he can officiate your creepy snow wedding any time." - Buster Blonde from Persephone Magazine
If
brash impiety makes you nervous or uncomfortable, then please look away
from the magnet. Everyone else with a sense of humor? You are
welcome. Poseidon bought this magnet for me a couple of years ago. The magnet hangs proudly, on our refrigerator, for all to see. This morning, while leaning on the countertop, trying to wake up, and blindly digging my spoon into my jar of peanut butter, I saw it and it made me laugh.
Seriously, each and everytime I see this magnet, I sniggle (snort and giggle at the same time). "So, where is my fucking pony?" By the by...I'm still waiting for that pony.
Christmas gits = gift wrapping, and gift wrapping is an art. I start out thinking, "Oh, this should be easy." But the finished product looks as though I studied every gift intently, broke them down completely, then reassembled them into something resembling little abominations marching off an assembly line of mass reproduced Cubist art.
"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit." -- Kin Hubbard
Few truer words have been spoken, and this quote reminds me of a Christmas card my sister bought years ago (I blogged about this once before). The card had a happy shiny Christmas scene on the front, but the inside read, "Merry Christmas, but just remember at 12:01 am on December 26, it's back to F' You Charlie."
Great reading for those with a privilege bias. Just kidding. Sort of.
"Orphans, dead parents, lonely children at Christmas, morose spoken word recordings, everything you love about the holidays. Move the turkey over so you can fit your head in the oven." -- April Winchell
I should be working, but I'm surfing and shopping. I'm going to analyze myself here and say that I'm looking for a distraction because one of my coworkers is retiring today, and he will be missed, and I'm trying not to be sad. So, shopping it is! I found a funky clock that would make a great gift, then another funky clock, and another, and another, and now I have a headache. This Five for Friday edition is all about time management...in a cool way.
Oh, this is almost too terrific to share, and I don't think I've seen anything
like this before! From madeindesign.com, Coolheure Magic mirror Clock - Projected display. Make sure you look through all of the images of this clock on the website to really get the idea. This projects images of clocks on your wall! Want it, but the price tag is a bit high. 200.00 British pounds, or about $320 bucks! Perhaps if I win the next Powerball drawing.
A modern take on the cuckoo clock! Also from madeindesign.com.
Sleek stainless steel. This isn't just a clock, it's art for the wall, with an actual cuckoo. The design looks as the though the poor cuckoo drilled himself a hole in the steel to pop through. This isn't your grandmother's cuckoo clock, that's for sure!
The same clockmaker responsible for the design above just stole my heart with this
next one. Diamantini & Domeniconi Striped Cuckoo Clock (I found this one on the Rockett St. George site (all of these are UK sites so far...the Brits have an eye for design, no?), and yes it is pricey as well, 195.00 pounds. I can already hear the shopper voice in my head trying to justify the price: "But this would look amazing in the green room."
Poseidon and I recently saw a similar gear clock for sale in a local shop,
but I spotted this one on Etsy, made by pixelthis and it's affordable! The artist's creation uses a large recycled bicycle cassette gear, a recycled computer DVD and a new quartz drive clock movement. Up-cycled and recycled. It's cool with a conscience.
The Albero Cuckoo clock, first designed by Paolino & Fusi in 2008. Yes, another cuckoo
clock! I found this on a the momentoitalia.com site, and at $410.00, I won't be owning this one either, but I'm so excited by these cuckoo clocks!
I feel a tug of war emerging with my practical self and my I-want-it-now-Veruca-Salt self. I really want to see a bird pop out of a clock, and I'm oohing and ahhing over the stainless steel and the striped clocks. Poseidon will have to talk me down off the ledge.
Shopping for Christmas is one of my favorite things. The thrill of the hunt, finding cool junk that neither my friends nor family really need, is so much fun, I'm sure it's a sin. When I shop for gifts, I'm ashamed to admit, but , I do the "one for you, two for me, one for you, two for me" gambit.
Getting right to it, here is my list of 2012 fun gifts for fun, awesome women:
HOBBIES - Gifts
This is the lomography camera I have asked Santa for, and I'm told it is in his big bag of Christmas toys, just for me!
Photo from Lomography.com
Bird watchers out there? What bird would pass up a chance to feast at this mod house? This is a great Christmas gift for your female friends who like our feathered friends.
SOCKS - Gifts
I know, this year, the octopus is last year's owl, which was the previous year's bird, (Poseidon was a cephalopod fan way before they were hip), and those tentacled beasts are everywhere, but these socks are a great gift...oh, and the cardigan isn't a bad gift either:
Some people joke about getting socks for Christmas, but I am happy to get socks as a gift. Poseidon always buys me at least one pair of socks for Christmas. Socks are like a Linus blanket...to me anyway. These koi socks would have have been well received, but they are on back order. Frowny face. If you haven't noticed, I'm a fan of PlasticLand.com.
Alright, one more pair of socks before I move on to the next gift category. Something else I just noticed...I am definitely a Pisces, as all these socks have a 'water' theme.
TECHNOLOGY - Gifts
My old iPod nano died. I had to make a decision: Do I buy a new iPod or put all of my music on my iPhone? I know it isn't hard, but I like my nano, so I bought myself a new one. In red.
I was shopping for stocking stuffers yesterday at The Container Store. This store is an amazing place to waste spend hours and hours. Poseidon may get one of these laptop pillow thingys from Santa. It is called a Surf Pillow, and it is just as good excuse as any to go to The Container Store.
SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS - Gifts
I'm not sure why, but this year seems to be the year of the salt and pepper shaker set. Shakers have been a trend before, and eventually these will collect dust, or find homes in sad landfills, but for now, they are trendy and it seems every site I visited during the past few days...s&p shakers. Everywhere.
These are adorable and they are on sale (as of today at least):
These are hideous, (and sold out), but my grandparents had these, and they are taking me back!
JEWELRY - Gifts
What list of gifts for women would be complete without jewlery? I found a bracelet I thought might be nice, and I put it on my list to Santa. I've been underwhelmed by jewelry I've seen lately, but this black sheep brooch is worth a look!
ART - Gifts
Poseidon and I have art that we have yet to hang, display, dust, destroy, etc., but I'm always on the lookout for fun prints, like this (and they make great gifts for women)
...and this:
Awww, and this:
CLOTHES, BAGS AND SHOES - Gifts
Pretty, pretty shoes. Women (or many women) like shoes.
I WANT these! Anne Klein Plural Color-Block - I saw them at DSW two weeks ago:
I don't usually suggest buying clothing for women, unless you really, truly know their size, correct measurements, etc., but I'm in love with this dress, so I'll share it:
Just a note, if you are ordering from Mod Cloth, their sizes are never true to size, in my opinion, so read the reviews that others have written before ordering. I find the reviews helpful in determining which size to order.
I'm a fan of the Vero Moda brand on ASOS, and this wrap it dirt cheap and cute and would make a super gift:
This is a great looking bag...I asked Santa for one similar, but I think my camera trumped the bag:
MAKE UP, PARFUM and GIRLY STUFF - Gifts
One can always count on ThinkGeek.com for cool, geeky gifts for women:
Tokyo Milk brand - since Gwen Stefani's LAMB scent is no longer available, this is my favorite parfum:
BIKING - Gifts
I'll close with bike bells. Everyone fun chick needs a bell on her bike.
I also suggest FAB.com for gifts...you have to sign up in order to browse, but it's free. Just give them your email address. I get a headache wading through some of the pages, but you might find something that inspires. Happy shopping everyone.
Vanity plates perplex me. I find them irritating and curious at the same time, and in May, I wrote about some of the more memorable tags I'd had the pleasure of getting stuck behind. I typically don't jot these down right away, meaning, if they are truly memorable, I will, well, remember them. Like these:
This will probably go down as one of my all-time favorite personalized license plates: MANISH. Now, I didn't see this plate until the car had passed, so I don't know if the driver was a man or a woman. Either way, it doesn't matter. Either way, it doesn't flatter. I truly did not intend to make that rhyme, but it worked out that way.
PIXL8ED - I hate to admit that It took me a few minutes to get this, but when I did, the geek in me smiled.
10SNEONE - This driver wants everyone to know he is available for a tennis game with, "tennis anyone" but after figuring this one out, I suddently remembered a line from Rosemary's Baby where Mia Farrow was swinging the chain on the amulet, the amulet that the crazy satanic neighbors gave her, filled with tanas weed (tanas turned out to be an anagram for satan), and she jokingly said, "Tanas, anyone?" I don't know why I remember such triviality, but there you go.
This plate puzzled me -- BGOMER -- until I looked at it through the lens of logic and just decided it is probably just the driver's name, B. Gomer, but when I first read the tag, I thought it might be, "be Gomer" as in the driver wanted to be Gomer Pyle. Maybe he does. Nothing wrong with Gomer.
BADKNEES -- My eyes are still rolling over this tag I saw during my morning commute today, but it did trigger some great ideas for my own personalized license plate. Here is what I have so far: NEWROTIC (with a 'w' instead of a 'u' just to be clever), ILUVRTHRITS (probably too many letters), DPRESSD, ACNEROOLS, _ITIS (this will let the driver behind me decide what my ailment is), and NACOMA.
Am I the only one fascinated by vanity plates? I would like to think I'm not uniquely dull as dishwater.
Halloween? Done. Election Day? Over. What's next? And, no, it isn't Christmas, even though the malls and local stores might be trying in spectacular fashion to convince you otherwise. It's Thanksgiving. You know, turkey day, mashed potatoes, black Friday shopping, football, the obligatory list of things to be thankful for and all that jazz?
I was searching for November fashion accessories when out of the clear blue Google, these appeared! Throwing practicality out the door, then sure, I would wear these:
1. This first pair reminds me of a dream Poseidon had recently, and he shared it with me. In the dream, he was having dinner with some old band mates, and they were starving, and one of the bandies was cooking dinner for them. The meal turned out to be old pieces of shoe and denim, baking in the oven. Everyone knows that you don't serve shoe with denim, but Poseidon's dreams are often strange. Very strange.
Photo from shoetease.com
2. Honestly, with this pair, my brain said mohawk before it went to turkey. I suppose these might remind some of a turkey, but I'm seeing a Joy Division concert goer, waiting in line outside Pip's Disco in Manchester UK, 1978.
Photo from shoesmitten.com
3. Two fascinating facts I've learned about turkeys recently:
A turkey can run at speeds up to 20 mph when spooked
Turkeys can burst into flight at speeds between 50-55 mph in seconds.
Sadly, the turkey contributing to these boots must not have been in this sample group.
Photo from shoeblog.com
4. Yes, I know this is a peacock, not a turkey...oddly enough, when I Googled Thanksgiving fashion, I got the peacock shoe. Maybe some serve peacock instead of turkey for Thanksgiving dinner? Does peacock go better with broccoli, or asparagus?
Political posts are posts I avoid writing because I still want my friends and family to be my friends and family, and I'm no "crafter" but I occasionally like to sew stuff together, so what better combination for a Five for Friday post? Politics and fabric. Doesn't matter which side of the political fence you land (a nice face plant in the dirt will be the outcome for us all), both donkeys and elephants have big ears. They do:
