March 08, 2010

The Bread Lady?

OK, the grocery store that appears in many of my blogs (let's face it, more like rants than blogs), the one where freaky shit always happens either to me or I witness?  I stopped in yesterday and I was getting some bagels in the bread area and this crazy lady started talking to me, except she wasn't talking to me as much as she was yelling at me.  "Are you the one who takes care of the bread?"  "Hey, are you the one with the bread?"  I wasn't sure she was directing her question (or, scream) at me until I looked up and she was in my face, eyes sweating, her face beet red, 2 seconds from an aortic aneurysm.

I looked at her like she might need to be on meds (because she probably does if she isn't already), then she realized perhaps I'm not in charge of bread and she asked, "Oh, are you a customer?"  I nodded, still unsure if I wanted to speak or not, then she just walked away.  Why do I continue to go that store when weird, stupid things (by that I mean weird stupid people) always happen?  Why?  Because, weird stupid things always happen and I can't make this stuff up.

I had on a black coat, jeans, and a white knit beret.  Does that say bread lady to anyone?  I guess I can switch to my vintage leopard pea coat and a red cap.  I'm thinking that doesn't say bread.  Maybe hooker, but not bread.


--Fortuitous Observer

March 05, 2010

PSA: Keep Your Kids in the Car...Much Agita on Channel Z

Agita.  One of my favorite words and I experience it a great deal (anxiety; agitation).  I know I bring it on myself, and yet, I'm addicted to the anxiety, no matter how annoying.  It is quite pathetic, but here I am.  People always tell me to relax, get a hobby, mediate.  I would love to do all of those things you crazy little fools.

Today, to sum up the agita and the noise in my head, I'm borrowing lyrics from one of my favorite bands, The B-52s, "Gettin' nothin' but static on channel Z."  I'll file this one under the "My Neurosis" category.

Oh, and this is a bulletin, call it a PSA if you will...I have to stop at the grocery store tonight on the way home, so everyone who has a brat kid who thinks its acceptable (I'm sure it's because they were taught to do what they want and boundaries don't exist) to pick his/her nose and wipe it on the produce, keep them in the car with the windows rolled up (come on, it's cold outside) or I may have to show them an uncomfortable way to eat an avocado...'k?

--Fortuitous Observer

March 04, 2010

Career Change at 41...Mars Bound

Just a question, right?  I could start over.  Why not?  For a second this morning, becoming an astronaut sounded appealing (and oh so original...just like every other Gen Xer at the age of 10) but I know I won't pass the mental, physcial, and IQ tests, so astronaut is out.

Although, anyone interested in becoming an astronaut should read this:  http://hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Become-An-Astronaut.  I found it this morning while searching on requirements for becoming an astronaut (See, I told you I thought about it for a second or two this morning.  I was serious in a not-really-serious-but-sort-of-curious way).  According to the author, "Not only do you need the balls the size of hypergiant twin binary-stars. You will need a baggage of academic and practical excellence."

So, astronaut is out for me...maybe swap meet coordinator?


--Fortuitous Observer


 

March 02, 2010

Sew What? Partie Deux

When we last left Fortuitous Observer, she was smack in the middle of a panic attack because she has committed to sewing for the first time in XXXXXXX years (I'm not divulging the true number of years)...

OK.  To pick up where I left off, and this is all true folks.  I stared at my new sewing machine and terror took over.  I was seized with gripping fear and anxiety.  I'm serious.  I obsessed about sewing all day.  This is supposed to be a new hobby, not a life or death task that I need to do ASAP.  Oh my God, I don't even remember how to thread a machine.  Where does the bobbin go, and what is a bobbin?

I purchased material last weekend for the skirt I want to make, along with a starter sewing kit and all the necessary things I would need (I didn't realize I might need to add a prescription for valium to my sewing checklist until later) to begin making my skirt.  Then it hit me like two tons of bricks (not just one ton...one is for sissies):  I can't remember how to turn on a sewing machine, much less actually sew.  My debilitating fear wore me down and I didn't even attempt to turn on the machine.

I went back to the fabric store the next evening after work and purchased some pre-cut squares of funky fabric.  Napkins.  I'm going to start with napkins and move on to the skirt.  That night, I was able to wind the bobbin and thread the machine.  Then, I was able to sew the sides of a square, making a napkin, all without vomiting.

Baby steps people.  I need to take baby steps.


--Fortuitous Observer

February 25, 2010

Sew What?

Last week while my therapist was assisting me in deep relaxation/hypnosis during my visit she asked me what I did as a creative outlet.  I told her I journal or write in my blog about stuff (and by stuff I mean shit, life, etc.), and she said, "No, I mean something creative where you can escape and relax rather than vent."

While I was immersed in calmness, I blurted out, "I want to make my own clothes.  I want to learn to sew again (and by again, I mean I haven't used a sewing machine since my 7th grade home ec class) and make my own clothes."  I don't know where exactly that little idea came from, but somewhere deep in my core, I think I must need to sew.

So (ha ha, get it), once it was out in the open like guts from a fish lying on a fillet table (ok, that was gross, I apologize), I couldn't take it back.  She asked me what I was going to do about it, and I told her I would stop on the way home, buy a sketch pad and start sketching the dresses I want to make for myself, and look for a sewing class and a sewing machine.

I know you are asking yourselves right now, "Did she buy the sketch pad, or is she just all talk and no action?"  I bought the sketch pad you doubters!  Not only did I buy the sketch pad, I have already sketched 3 dresses and a skirt!  I also bought a sewing machine.  Yup, my very own sewing machine.  Thanks Rach for the recommendation on machines!

Poseidon (aka Zeus) gave me a corner of his music room (we call it the Green Room or the Little People Room...more on that later) and I set the machine up.  Everything is good right?  Not exactly.  Staying true to my neurotic character, I took a look at the sewing machine all set up and waiting for me to crank out some Betsey Johnson inspired dress, and went into panic mode...

To be continued...

--Fortuitous Observer

February 24, 2010

There ARE Monsters Under the Bed

There are monsters under the bed...just take medication, then you won't see them anymore.

This is what I always say to people who even consider asking me to babysit.


--Fortuitous Observer

February 22, 2010

Warning: Fuchsia Shoes May Bestow Super Powers

I turned 41 on Saturday.  No big deal really.  Poseidon took me out for a great dinner, then to one of our fave little bars for a beer.  Cool gifts.  I have managed to deal with the aging process gracefully and I'm still sometimes carded at over-21 places, so I think I'm holding up well.  No complaints.

I took myself shopping on Saturday, my birthday treat to myself (oh, and I also bought myself a sewing machine...I'll explain that one later) and I made some great purchases, but my favorite purchase...a pair of fuchsia suede heels.  Gorgeous!  I had actually seen the shoes 2 evenings before and I knew I would make them mine.  I did.  I don't know if these shoes grant the wearer magical powers, but I felt amazing.  I felt sexier than I have in a while, and I felt full of grace (maybe grace-lite...I am still clumsy and 2 1/2 inch heels makes that obvious) and confidence.  I took a look in my two closets full of shoes, and I realized in horror that I, until now, did not own one pair of shoes with color.  None.  All black, brown, grey, tan, and one silver strappy pair.  My new fuchsia shoes were like adding a rainbow to my otherwise cloudy closet.

I wore the shoes with a little black dress for dinner and I felt hot (not temperature-wise), cool, fun, quirky, all at the same time!  That hasn't happened in a while, so I can declare with some certainty that my fuchsia suede heels do endow the wearer with special, enchanted, marvelous magical powers.  At the end of our night, Poseidon got the car, but I flew home using my newly attained Fuchsia Girl super powers.  I carefully put my fuchsia shoes on the shelf in the closet, and closed the door, and the evening, on a high note.  When the city needs me again, I'll take them out, put them on, and I'll be ready.


--Fortuitous "Super Fuchsia Girl" Observer

February 17, 2010

Approaching the Official "In my 40's" Date...Quickly

D-day is nearly here.  I have--counting today--3 days left before my 41st birthday, at which time I will be "in my 40's."  It sucks.  In my head I'm still 26 and I own the world, but we all know I'm not (and certainly don't think I own the world any longer, and DON'T really want to ever be in my 20's again).  My mid to late 20's were cool, but I was still a child.  There were a couple of years while in my 30's that I enjoyed a little, but I wasn't in my zone, but I know already that my 40's will be the best years of my life (so far).

Why will my 40's be the best years of my life?  I'm finding my way back to being comfortable who I am.  I'm also not waking up and contemplating what might have been.  I've never been married because I never felt that I had to be married, so there was no pressure or settling on someone or something, which has been the greatest of all attitudes to adopt, for me.  Why?  Because I don't have to look back and wish I'd done things differently, and I had time to find out all about me (the good and the bad).  Because it means I've never been trying to find someone (though I have found my soul mate now, Poseidon), if it happened, it happened.  I never stressed about having a baby before 30 (or any age really).  My biological clock may tick like most women's clock, but mine has a mute button, and I chose to use it.  Now I'm at a point where I feel like everything else is gravy!

So, as I'm approaching the big "41" I've done some reflecting, some journaling, etc., and I have a few more days to share those thoughts in my blog, so expect more posts than usual this week.  As I love to dole out unsolicited advice, what better time than now to give some "guidance" to the 20 and 30 year old greenhorns who think the world belongs to them and they are the only ones who've ever been that age... Let me first say this:  I have great friends who are in their 20's and early 30's and I mean no disrespect or offense to you just because of your age.  The friends I have who are in their 20's and 30's are mature, cool chicks who have at least one foot in reality with a solid understanding of who they are and where they might want to go!

--Fortuitous "Almost in my Forties" Observer

February 15, 2010

Remembering Mr. Gristle Head

I don't know why we named him Mr. Gristle Head, it just sounded right.  Mr. Gristle Head was actually a styrofoam wig stand (or holder, or whatever the correct term is) that belonged to my mother in the 1970s.  As Gen Xers, my sister, brother, Play Stations, iPods, and the internet didn't exist yet, so we had to actually use our imagination to come up with cool shit to do, and we did.  It was during one of those days when we had to find something to do that my mother's wig stand met with a most unfortunate makeover, becoming Mr. Gristle Head for all eternity.

One winter afternoon, my sister and I decided to kidnap my mother's wig stand and mutilate it beyond recognition.  I can only guess we did this out of pure boredom, but as it is decades later, the exact whys, hows and wherefores are mere speculation on my part.

First, we unearthed our old LITE-BRITE® pegs from somewhere.  I think we had them in a large freezer bag in a dresser drawer.  We began by sticking the LITE-BRITE® pegs into the styrofoam wig stand, which we began referring to it as "the head."  Once we started, there was no stopping.  The wig head must be covered with colorful pegs, and so it was.  We stuck the pegs close together, so close that barely an empty space could be found on the wig head.

Conveniently, there was already a hole in the bottom of the wig head.  It was made that way.  I'm assuming wig heads were traditionally displayed in wig stores on large wooden pegs or something to keep them from falling over.  So, fortunately, we had an empty hole in the bottom of the wig head, and a baton that would fit perfectly into that hole.

Next, we decided to somehow put some clothes on our new Frankenstein-like creation.  We found an old shirt belonging to my dad, and we buttoned it around the wig head.  Of course, the wig head had no shoulders, so the shirt draped over it, giving it a ghostly, yet comical look.

Now what?  We have killed my mother's wig head stand and stolen a shirt belonging to my dad.  The next logical step in this improvisational moment of cleverness was to name the beast.  As I stated at the very beginning, I don't know why we chose to call him Mr. Gristle Head (or why we decided it was a "him" because the wig head was already wearing blue eyeshadow and red lipstick), but we did.  We paraded him around, holding the end of the baton, marching him down the hall and through the dining room, into the kitchen.  I think we even took Mr. Gristle Head outside.  We tried scaring our little brother, though he recognized the now destroyed wig head immediately, and the LITE-BRITE® pegs just weren't scary.

I'm not really sure why I'm even telling Mr. Gristle Head's story.  Probably because it popped into my head one day last week, out of know where, and I felt the tale must be told.  Believe it or not, Mr. Gristle Head suck around for a few years, mostly hiding out in the closet, making an occasional appearance at Halloween.

Perhaps Mr. Gristle Head is important because my sister and I were extremely proud of the creativity displayed in the design and execution of our plans to create such a unique being.  Perhaps he is important because we took something from our mom and destroyed it without getting into too much trouble.  Those are possibilities, but whatever the ridiculous reason, Mr. Gristle Head was a holding space for our LITE-BRITE® pegs (I don't think we even had the LiteBrite at that time...it bit the dust years before), a conversation piece, and a bit of my personal childhood history that I look back on with fondness...though I really don't know why.  Long live Mr. Gristle Head.


--Fortuitous Observer

February 06, 2010

Running for the Roses (Oh, and Frostbite)

Tomorrow I'm running a 5K, the 30th annual Run for the Roses.  A portion of the proceeds go to Carolina Canines for Service, which is a good cause.  I'm doing the run because I enjoy running now, and it feels good to set a short-term goal.  As with my previous race, my goal is simply to finish, and not focus on my timing (although I know it has improved since my last run in June).

Why does anyone care?  They probably don't but I'm taking the time to blog about it for three reasons:  

1.  I'm quite proud of myself for making another short-term goal and sticking to it.  For me, that is an accomplishment of cyclopean measure.

2.  My brother jumped on board the running train and is going to run with me, and I'm very proud of him.

3.  The third and most important reason to blog about my event is that this could be my last blog entry for a while (here comes the drama queen from behind the curtain...enough already).  The high tomorrow will barely be in the 40s.  Now, I know this is above freezing and all, but it's cold.  My legs could freeze (not literally, I'm talking figuratively now) up on me and I could trip and fall, and roll right into the ditch on Blount Street and no one will stop to pick me up.  I could trip and crack my ankle, splintering it into a thousand pieces and roll into the ditch on Halifax street and no one will pick me up.  What if I slip on an icy patch, land on my head, knock myself out and roll into a ditch behind Peace College and no one picks me up?

Hmmm, I don't think I'm worried so much about getting hurt, I think I have abandonment issues.


--Fortuitous Observer

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