Soul Thumping

The Vileness that is the Women's Locker Room

There wasn't a thing in the world I thought that could get me down...except the pig sty that is the "ladies" locker room (notice I put ladies in quotes because I'm using that term in the sarcastic sort of way today).  I was in a great mood yesterday as I sashayed into the gym, excited about jumping on the treadmill and running a full 33 minutes without slowing my pace (33 is an odd number I'll admit, but there is a method to my madness)...but then I entered the locker room.

Were the women of North Raleigh truly raised in barns?  There is still a great deal of farmland in the vicinity, and I can see how the area may have been over-populated with barns a few decades ago, so it might really be true.  In that case, the condition of the locker room is excusable because if you all lived like farm animals while growing up, you didn't really know any better and it's carried over into your adult life, and your kids probably treat their rooms and your house the same way, so I apologize for calling you out.  Continue to throw your "things" in the locker room toilet without flushing, and pee all over the seat (and don't forget the floor and the walls...I don't know how this is even possible, but apparently it is) without cleaning up after yourselves.  It isn't too difficult to hover and still make it into that toilet.  I perfected the art on a trip to Osaka, Japan once.  It can be done "ladies" (oops, noticed I used those quotes again?).

The repulsiveness of the locker room bathroom isn't even my biggest gripe.  It's actually the changing room area.  I've seen the most curious of items left laying on the changing benches and scattered around the women's locker room. I've seen articles of clothing left on the floor, for example:  a pair of jeans, a blouse, a pair of heels, and of course, some underwear.  Did some of you go home naked?  You forgot to get dressed after your shower?  I've seen women clipping their toe nails in the locker room like it was something everyone is supposed to do.  Your not!  I don't want to step on one of your mangy fungus-ridden toe nails and cut my foot, requiring stitches and a rabies vaccination.  Stop it.

The management provides a large lovely bamboo basket in the locker room, specifically for the placement of your dirty towels after you've worked out.  Leaving those nasty towels, drenched in your sweat, on the benches where other women sit down to put on their sneakers is not acceptable.  PICK THEM UP AND PUT THEM IN THE BASKET!  To not do so is primitive, spoiled, ignorant, animal-like behavior.

I'm not even going to start on the rude, spoiled 22 - 25 year-olds who screech into their cell phones with that affected, "I'm-sure-if-I'm-an-adult-or-a-child voice."  I could begin an endless diatribe rant about cell phone usage at the gym like no body's business, but that is for another day.  

Again, for those of you who were actually raised in a barn, I'll excuse you because you weren't taught manners, or how to clean yourselves or clean up after yourselves, much less keep a silly old locker room halfway sanitary.  For those of you who didn't feed from a trough, please take some time to review some of these common (what I thought were common) tips on manners and being lady-like at the gym:  http://www.divinecaroline.com/22176/76524-closed-doors-six-locker-room

I'm heading for the gym after work and I suddenly feel the need to don a protective suit from the CDC.

 

--Fortuitous "I don't want to touch anything" Observer

Running for the Roses (Oh, and Frostbite)

Tomorrow I'm running a 5K, the 30th annual Run for the Roses.  A portion of the proceeds go to Carolina Canines for Service, which is a good cause.  I'm doing the run because I enjoy running now, and it feels good to set a short-term goal.  As with my previous race, my goal is simply to finish, and not focus on my timing (although I know it has improved since my last run in June).

Why does anyone care?  They probably don't but I'm taking the time to blog about it for three reasons:  

1.  I'm quite proud of myself for making another short-term goal and sticking to it.  For me, that is an accomplishment of cyclopean measure.

2.  My brother jumped on board the running train and is going to run with me, and I'm very proud of him.

3.  The third and most important reason to blog about my event is that this could be my last blog entry for a while (here comes the drama queen from behind the curtain...enough already).  The high tomorrow will barely be in the 40s.  Now, I know this is above freezing and all, but it's cold.  My legs could freeze (not literally, I'm talking figuratively now) up on me and I could trip and fall, and roll right into the ditch on Blount Street and no one will stop to pick me up.  I could trip and crack my ankle, splintering it into a thousand pieces and roll into the ditch on Halifax street and no one will pick me up.  What if I slip on an icy patch, land on my head, knock myself out and roll into a ditch behind Peace College and no one picks me up?

Hmmm, I don't think I'm worried so much about getting hurt, I think I have abandonment issues.

--Fortuitous Observer

Super Bowl XLIV Chick-style

I am a chick who enjoys football.  I like watching the games; I cringe when players take a hard hit to the head; I comment on who has the best looking butt and who has the dumbest looking mouth guard, and yes, being a woman, I also judge a team on the color of their uniforms (except Detroit, it doesn't matter what color they wear, they suck, and Cleveland does take the trophy for having the ugliest uniform colors, and they suck also).

I'm not an expert on all of the statistics of teams and players and l don't want to be because, well, I have a life and other interests and I'll leave that to every man in the country who has a football blog.  Having gotten that statement out of the way, here are my thoughts about game day this year (by the way, I'm running a 5K race Sunday afternoon, before the Super Bowl, in temperatures that are going to be less than 40 degrees, so depending on if I trip and scrape most of my face off on cold pavement or a toe freezes and falls off, I may not give a shit about Super Bowl XLIV):

1.  I'm not hiding the fact that I'm pulling for Indianapolis.  Why?  No special reason.  I don't dislike the Saints.  I love the city of New Orleans and no one on the team irritates me much.  Their uniform colors are ok, but I would like to see un update to the fleur di lis.  Maybe some funky shadowing or some ivy growing around it, I don't know, something to give it some pizazz.

2.  Drew Brees needs a hairstyle.  I think he has good hair, it just doesn't do anything to flatter him so he might want to visit a new hair salon.  Just my opinion.

3.  Petyon Manning needs a hairstyle.

4.  Peyton Manning has a great butt.  He is so boy-next-door cute that I just want to pinch his cheeks (face cheeks, let's keep it clean) or give him a noogie or something.  I can't help it.  Oh, and I think he is a great player, even though there was so much chatter on the internet about him choking and failing under pressure.  Whatever.

Now, there are rumors going around about he and his wife are divorcing, and I don't know if it's true or isn't true, but if he loses on Sunday, it could be due to those personal pressures he is under, so I hope all those Monday morning quarterbacks will keep that in mind.

5.  I'm interested in seeing the commercials because they haven't been funny in at least 3 years.  Oh, oh, wait, except for the one a couple of years ago where the guy used his girlfriend's white cat to clean up pasta sauce and she walked in and thought he was stabbing her cat because he had the cat dripping with sauce in one had and big butcher knife in the other hand?  That was hilarious.  Actually, I'm curious to see if CBS runs the so-called "pro-life" ad.  All I'm going to say about that one folks is this:  let's keep politics out of football.  It's bad enough we have politics in politics.

Life will go on after Super Bowl XLIV.  I barely remember who won last year (I know, I know it was Pittsburgh), and I'll forget by next year who even played this year, that is how important the whole thing is to me in the grand scheme of things, but everyone else is making their predictions, so I'm compelled to jump on the bandwagon:

Colts - 17; Saints - 13

--Fortuitous Observer 

My First Competitive Race, and I Didn't Throw Up!

My head was spinning.  It was 5:45 in the morning on Saturday, and as I pulled into the parking lot where I would catch the shuttle that would take me to the pre-race location, I thought I would throw up.  I honestly thought about turning around and heading back home.  I thought about it hard until my cell phone rang.  It was my friend Kimberly.  She was waiting for me in the lot, ready to jump on the shuttle and run with me.  She didn't sound nervous at all.  Of course, Kimberly has been in races before.

I was a little more than an hour (a nerve-racking hour I must say) away from my very first competitive race.  I've never been a runner.  I'm 40 years old and I only started running a couple of months ago.  What on earth made me think I could do this?  Unemployment, that's what.  That may not make sense to most people, but those who read my blog regularly have followed my employment (or lack there of) woes.  I was laid off in February and the technical field I am in isn't so popular at the moment.  So, what does that have to do with running?  Not much, except that I can't control the economic situation we're in and whether or not employers are hiring, but I can control my outlook, attitude and well-being.  Running is one of those things I've decided to do instead of jumping off a cliff, driving into a brick wall, chaining myself to cement blocks and going swimming in the swim club down the street, etc.  To date, it seems to be working.

The race was the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure^® and I chose to run the 5K co-ed competitive race.  It started at 7:00am!  As Kimberly and I walked around, checking out the vendors and information booths scattered throughout the race area, I was trying to remember why I thought I could do this.  I was scared.  My legs felt shaky and I wanted to crawl under a tree and wind myself into the fetal position.  It was the adrenaline coursing through my veins that stopped me.  I was nervous, but I was excited!  I can do this.  I really can do this.  The 40-year old chick who has never run a competitive race in her life can do this.

When the announcer said go, there were thousands of runners taking off.  I was still questioning my sanity, fearing my pride was about to take a sharp smack in the teeth, but I took off at a slow-paced jog, then picked up some speed.  I was doing it!  Before the first 1/2 mile, I noticed my shoe was untied and I debated on stopping or waiting until I tripped on it and fell face first into the street.  I stopped, tied it quickly, then jetted my way back to the quickened pace I had achieved before the shoe string incident.  At the 2K marker, I was tired, but I kept going.  I ran like my life depended on it.  And it just might someday, so the idea that I was running for a cure for breast cancer made me go even harder.  Spectators on the sidelines were cheering us on, and I closed my eyes (for just a second, I didn't want to trip) and soaked up the feeling like a sponge!

Then, I came to the "1/2 Mile to Go" marker and I started to lose some steam, major steam.  I chatted myself up, reminding myself that I have been running at least two miles a day for the past couple of months, and 1/2 mile is a piece of cake (cheesecake with strawberries on top!).  I regained my momentum and ran like hell.  When I first registered for the race, my goal was to finish the race, even if I came in last, it wouldn't matter.  Well I did finish, and my time wasn't so bad (36:40) either.  I can do this.  I did do this!

 

--Fortuitous Observer

For more information on the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure^® or to register for the race in your area, please go to this website.  I'm personally challenging every woman (and man) 40+ who has never run a race to give it a try:  http://ww5.komen.org/

My First Time at the Roller Derby

Women in tights and sometimes curious costumes, racing around the hard flat track on roller skates with pernicious expressions on their faces, knocking each other down, flip-flopping across the cement floor.  That is the roller derby folks and it is awesome!  I had the pleasure of attending my first ever roller derby on Saturday and I could quite possibly become hooked.

I won't go into the history of the sport because there are other sites that do that better, including the entry on Wikipedia:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roller_derby so check that out for a foundation/history for the derby and why it is so engrossing.

I went to the match not knowing anything about roller derby except from what I remember on Saturday afternoon television in the 80s.  When we walked into the arena, I spied women with punk hair and clothes walking around with signs reading "Ask Me" and fans milling about with mohawks and plaid.  I have now been introduced to the subculture of roller derby!  I'm in Raleigh, NC, so the local team here is the Carolina Rollergirls.  Their team colors are black and red with a logo of a skull and crossbones wearing a derby helmet!  Keenly punkish.

The match program handed out upon entry includes the rules and an overview of how the derby works, the positions (jammers, pviots, and blockers), scoring, legal and illegal blocks, the difference between a major and a minor penalty, etc.  The referees are just as "flamboyant" as the derby gals themselves and are just as entertaining to follow around the track.  It is impossible to sit still and not cheer along, even if you are still trying to figure out the rules of the game.  I discovered there is an infectious fever of fanship at the derby.

The derby girls on the teams have witty names.  The Carolina Rollergirls team includes Daisy Rage, Deviled Legs (she is quite tall), Trudy Struction, and Holly Wanna Crackya (just to name a few).  They are part of the Women's Flat Track Derby Association, and they are a not-for-profit organization, so it's all about the sport, not the money and flashy advertising, which gives the derby a grassroots cooperative feel.

People-watching is a secondary attraction at the roller derby.  I consider myself an avid people watcher and I was in my element on Saturday.  The spectators are just as inspiring as the derby girls and refs.  Some of them dressed in their own punk attire, others ran around the track waving flags or harrassing the opposing teams mascot.

The derby girls, the referees, the fans, there is something about the roller derby that had me from the time we entered the arena.  I suggest everyone find out if there is a team in your area, and if so, jump on the bandwagon and go!  The tickets are relatively inexpensive and a fun time is guaranteed.  Just be careful if you sit on the floor next to the flat track.  Sometimes a derby girl can get knocked out of bounds, possibly right into your lap!

This is a great blog I found on the "new" roller derby, so check this out:  http://rollerderbydisorder.blogspot.com/