The Crazy Cat Lady

May 29, 2009

The Crazy Cat Lady

"You know the reason you aren't married is because of your cats, right?" Perhaps it was my stepfather who first said that to me, I honestly can't remember if it was him or not, so John I apologize if it wasn't you, but someone said that to me a few years ago (back before I reached the magnificent age of 40). I started thinking about that again today. Why? Because my baby, my Siamese cat, Kwinn, is very sick. Kwinn (stands for Kitty With No Name...I just threw a vowel in there) is neurotic, like most Siamese cats (due to inbreeding and such), but he is my baby and I'll do whatever I need to do to "fix him."

I hurried him to the vet last week because he took to yacking 3 or 4 times a day. I have very light carpet in my living room, which is now dotted with remnants of cat yack. I'm sorry, I should have put a disclaimer at the beginning that this post may contain graphic content about projectile feline vomit.

Anyway, the vet gave me some not so chipper news. Her gut feeling at the time was that my almost-9-year-old Siamese may have feline lymphoma. Let me start with this: I am 40 years old, never married (but have an awe-inspiring boyfriend), and no kids. I've never really had the desire to have kids, but I love my cats like most people love their children. I talk to them like they are children. I care for them like they are my children, and I hurt for them like they are children. Maybe I am the crazy cat lady. I'll be the old lady in the neighborhood that kids are scared of and parents avoid and whisper about at neighborhood barbecues (that I won't be invited to).

One of my favorite movies ever, "Barefoot in the Park", had a crazy person living in an apartment that no one ever saw, just empty tuna cans sitting outside the door in the hall every evening. The other tenants speculated about this person's sanity. That is my fate, I'm almost certain.

So, Kwinn had an ultrasound yesterday, and it appears he does not have lymphoma, but either a severe food allergy or an irritable bowel issue. He is now on a diet of hypo-allergenic cat food of venison and lamb (a.k.a. expensive) and a steroid. He had to have his abdomen shaved in order to do the ultrasound. I told my vet she would probably have to sedate him, but she didn't believe me. I got a call from her about 30

Our Siamese, Kwinn...after the shaving

minutes prior to the ultrasound, letting me know that he has decided not to be a cooperative kitty for the procedure so they would indeed have to sedate him. When I picked him up yesterday afternoon, he was not happy with me, the vet, or the universe and he let us all know with hissing, spitting, and of course, growling like a rabid animal on the way to his slaughter. The funny part of this is that he now has a bare ring around his abdomen and sides, which makes me laugh every time I look at him, which makes him self-conscious and even more ill-tempered and displeased with me! I'm just relieved that he doesn't have to go through chemo treatments or he may have killed me in my sleep! How would that be for a headline: "Crazy Cat Lady Expunged by her own Cat."

This is great site for other funny cat pictures!

--The Fortuitous Observer