Zeus and I had dinner this past weekend with R, M, and D, and R was telling us a funny story about when she was 4-years-old and she got a spanking from her father, and she told him that must never happen again (yes, at the age of 4 she doled out some sage words of advice for her father, which is what makes the story so funny), and it made me recall a particular spanking I received from my father when I was around 6 or 7 (I can't remember exactly).
I had done something (I can't remember that either...honestly) and my mom told me that she was going to have my dad spank me when he got home from the store. I knew I didn't want a spanking, and I also knew she was too mad to plea bargain so I waited nervously for him to return. Through my anxiety, I was somehow able to have an epiphany that would save me. I had seen a sitcom not too long before this incident in which a child was in the same situation I found myself to be. This child decided that a spanking would hurt less if he put a book in his pants before getting the spanking. His dad would be hitting the book and not his bottom. How clever! I was going to do that.
Fortunately, we had a large selection of books. Unfortunately, I chose a huge reference book, thinking it would be thicker, therefore, I would feel the spanking less (I was only 6 or 7 remember). So, I put the book in my shorts and waited for my dad to come home, feeling almost sorry for him that he would be giving me a spanking that wouldn't bother me.
Dad arrived home, mom told him what I did (I still can't remember what it was...honestly), and I was sitting in the kitchen awaiting my fate. He came in, told me he had to give me a spanking, and I believe I almost smiled as I turned around as if to say, "Go ahead, give it all you got." Of course, he saw the book in my shorts, and I heard him laugh, just a little, enough to know I'd been caught, and he told me to take the book out, so I did, and even though he found it a little amusing, I still got the promised spanking. The spanking didn't hurt, but I included the obligatory cries and I-hate-you yells, then it was over.
I realized later that my mistake was in the book selection. Had I chosen Winne the Pooh or even Little Women, I may have actually gotten away with it, but I also knew if I tried that again, my father was not going to be amused twice, so I left those antics to the make believe children on the sitcoms...
--Fortuitous Observer
