Now that the new year and decade is immovably upon us, I've been doing the obligatory reflecting and I've realized that I have done some asinine things in my life. I don't think I'm apologizing for them because these things, no matter how idiotic, have assisted in shaping me into the person I am today, good, bad, or insane. I just feel like sharing.
This list is by no means a "no stone unturned" catalog of confessions. I'm sure I've done things not included in this little lineup that I'll be reminded of at some point, either in this life or my next one as a bug (not to mention, my mom may be reading, and I don't want to give her a heart attack...yet : )
· Made rocket fuel in the 3rd grade from a number of household cleaning products and tried to ignite it with my dad’s lighter
· Mixed Pop Rocks and soda together to see if I would explode (I didn’t)
· Hitchhiked drunk with my friend Josie (I won’t use her real name) one night just for laughs – oh, and because we were drunk
· Asked a cabbie in Albuquerque if he knew where I could buy pot. Also asked him why Bugs Bunny never made that “left turn at Albuquerque”…he didn’t know the answer to either question
· I’ve broken all of my toes, on both feet, at least once. This really isn’t my fault. I have brittle toe bones and no control over their snapping into pieces. I stopped going to the doctor long ago. Now I just make my own little splints from nail files (or popsicle sticks, but I rarely have those) and tape
· When I was 8, I stuck a bunch of straight pins in a girl’s hand because she wanted to join our club and that was how she would prove her worthiness
· Accused the same girl of stealing the club’s money (an entire 20 cents), even though she didn’t, so we could have a reason to kick her out of the club
· Destroyed a neighbor’s garden when I was 9 (along with my sister and our best friend Jenny) because he was mean and we didn’t like him
· Purposely sang the wrong words to the song “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” (you know…”Shitty Shitty Bang Bang) when I was 5
· Taught a 4 year old little boy that I was babysitting how to strike matches (no one asks me to babysit their kids…it isn’t a good idea)
· Stole a pack of Tic-Tacs at a newsstand (that was really an accident, I did plan to buy them but absent mindedly stuck them in my pocket while looking through the magazines – I think I even went back and paid for them)
· When my twin sister and I were little and took our baths together, I always peed in the tub, but told her I didn’t
It's good to share...
--Fortuitous Observer
