You know the over-used adage: "If you can't be 'em, join 'em" (this is my more colloquial version of the saying)? I've gone and done it. After spending decades trying to "cure" my chronic depression and anxiety with slight results, an epiphany of sorts led me to this realization: there is no cure for anxiety, depression and stress. There just isn't that one magic bean I have been hoping for to make me anxiety and depression-free.
In my early twenties I began a daily regimen of anti-depressants that seemingly helped with obsessive thoughts and I believed for a while I was "repaired," until my next episode of depression came out of no where. Meds and therapy for the next decade, same results. Last year, 2 years ago I added neurofeedback to the mix. Magic bean? No, but it has helped me re-train my brain to function more appropriately to stressful plights, allowing me to react more rationally in situations rather than immediately going into super-charged anxiety mode. Without the neurofeedback, I doubt very much I would have had my revelation, which in 2 months time has led to an entirely new way of dealing with myself, and an arsenal of new tools I'm incorporating into accepting and, dare I say, embracing my anxiety and depression.
The phrase for today is "managing." There is no "curing" anxiety and the related depression, it all comes down to accepting it is there, thereby "controlling" it so it doesn't control me. I accept that I'm going to be anxious most hours of the day, breathe my way through it, and decide to function after all. It is that simple (though it has taken me a rather long time to reach that mesa).
Now what? The crow sandwich part. I have myself become one of those people I haughtily judge as "flakes." I'm taking a more holistic approach to living with anxiety and depression since I now realize the anxiety fairy will never leave the magic bean under my pillow. I'm eating "happy" foods (see my earlier post on happy foods), I'm having massages, I'm researching homeopathic doctors and acupuncturists in my area, I've started seeing a chiropractor to repair some of the damage my anxiety and stress has inflicted on my poor innocent spinal column, and I'm continuing my neurofeedback (though I'm down to monthly instead of weekly).
I repeat positive mantras to myself throughout the day, and I'm attending online "anxiety and the creative soul" seminars, and I am now attending group meditation each week.
I continue to take my anti-depressants daily, but will remain at my lower dose. I just purchased a new set of relaxation and meditation cds that use brainwave entrainment technology on my alpha, theta, and delta waves, similar to the neurofeedback, and of course, I still run a few nights each week because the endorphins are the star player in knocking the wind out of anxiety and depression.
The most important change? I breathe. Breathing is critical to punching my way out of the anxiety paper bag. I was not aware, until my therapist told me last year, that I'm breathing from my chest, and not my diaphragm, which does not give my brain enough oxygen. OK, done! I've practiced breathing enough that it has become automatic.
Another hugely important issue came up a few months ago: I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and have been prescribed Synthroid. Depression and anxiety can be caused and exacerbated by thyroid issues, so I urge everyone to have blood work done and make sure they test your thyroid! I know, it is yet another pill I have to take everyday, but it is most certainly worth it!
Presto...no magic beans, but now that I'm a flake, I have yet another great reason to laugh at myself.
--Fortuitous "Flaky" Observer
