Soul Thumping

Evil Old Man at Food Lion - Karma

This evening I went to Food Lion to pick up a few things.  In the check-out lane, the man ahead of me was being such an obvious ass to the woman who was checking him out.  He was a miserable ass hat.  She never lost her composure.  I was staring daggers through him at one point and he said to me, "What are you looking at?"  My response:  "A miserable pathetic asshole."  I said it with a huge smile.  He had no response and promptly left with his groceries.  I hope he had a car accident on the way home.  Oops, was that bad of me to say?  Oh well, let Buddha sort it out.

 

--Fortuitous Observer

Drop the Cell Phone and Put Your Hands on the Wheel or My Cats Might Eat Your Children

Spring settling in nicely is probably the largest contributing factor in my waning need to rant about everything anything, but for the second time this week, I've narrowly escaped the death that could have been handed to me by yet another oblivious, suburban female (I said it, female...I'm allowed, being a female) driver running a red light while TALKING ON HER CELL PHONE, so, I will go on a wee rant.

I would rather not feed these negative thoughts too much energy by succumbing to my need to spout off in a nasty diatribe that will make my head explode (and possibly yours for reading my word vomit) but my life is at stake when you half-baked, feckless, morons take to any area outside the confines of your own homes.  I don't mean to say that all women are bad drivers, and that only women chat on the phone while driving.  I see men talking on cell phones while driving everyday.  But in my neck-of-the-woods, when I have a grasp-my-hands-on-wheel-tightly-because-I'm-about-to-die-on-the-road moment, there is a petticoat behind the wheel.  My blood boils over this because in my opinion, you swim mom Einsteins driving big honking obnoxious SUVs that you can barely see out of, seem to be under the misguided impression that the world revolves around you solely (and your child's morning swim time...I'm not picking on all mothers who take their children to the pool...you know who you are), and because of this, you cretins are going to be the cause of injury and/or death to me or someone I love.  That is going to piss my cats off to no end.

I am a woman, who happens to have an excellent driving record (I'm knocking on wood right now, seriously) and do not drive with my head up my arse (I felt a four-letter word would work better here, so I'm using arse instead of ass), nor do I use my cell phone when driving, because I know I WILL have an accident.  Some people can talk and drive at the same time, and I applaud you.  Some phone calls have to be taken.  I understand.  I'm not jumping on the ban-cell-phone-use-in-cars wagon, yet.  I ask that you re-evaluate your ability to drive while celling.  If you've had a horn blown at you more than once because you were on a phone when the light changed, or you swerved into someone else's lane, please put the phone down or pull over; otherwise, one day you will find yourself facing a jury of your peers with your fate in their hands when you are charged with vehicular manslaughter, and you will cry yourselves to sleep at night on your prison cell bunk while Big Bertha lovingly strokes your hair, while your family members are paying restitution by providing daily care for my cats who no longer have a mommy and daddy, and they are not going to be nice to your children.

That is all.  This rant had the potential to be much worse, so I'm pleasantly surprised at the brevity.  OK, now I'm back to thinking funny little warm springtime thoughts...ahhhh.

 

--Fortuitous Observer

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Well, Hello Kitty! - Generation X Loves You

Gen Xers had Hello Kitty first.  I'm just putting this out there because Gen Y, Gen Z, Gen Next, Gen Hazy, Gen Lazy, etc. may not realize this.  The cute little Japanaese white bobtail cat was produced by the Japanese company, Sanrio in 1975.  1975! 

I explain this now because as a 40-something Gen Xer, I still love Hello Kitty, and have Hello Kitty purses, stickers, note pads, Hello Kitty clothing and yes, Hello Kitty jewelry.  I want a pair of limited edition Hello Kitty Doc Martens, but they can only be found on eBay now and $499 buys a lot of sushi (and groceries, and utilities, gas...), so, you know.

This Gen Xer used to save her allowance money to buy shiny, happy, glittery Hello Kitty items at the new card store in the mall that opened when I was in junior high school.  It was a small card shop, possibly Hallmark, but I am an Xer, so my memory is starting to fade and it isn't a detail critical to the story.  Warning:  There is no critical story here, just some nostalgic rambling, so don't be too let down if you've read the post and you think, "What the hades was the point of this nonsense?"

You are now asking, "Who cares?"  Perhaps I care because I've been told, "Aren't you a bit old for Hello Kitty?"  The response I give in my head is much more exciting than the one that comes out of my mouth.  The folks asking me this question are probably still rule-based life forms in the way they think about aging, what we should or shouldn't be doing at the age of x.  I'm glad I don't have that mentality when it comes to my age or I would already be home to worms and daisies.

My love of Hello Kitty (her full name is Kitty White, born in the suburbs of London) has been consistent since our introduction in the 8th grade, and when I see new Hello Kitty things online, I go mad with girlish giggles and excited hand-clapping.  I know, not everyone has this reaction to Hello Kitty or other Sanrio products, but I do, and I'm sharing some of my finds for my other Kitty admirers. 

 

First up, Hello Kitty sushi maker, which is apropos because I mentioned sushi in the 2nd paragraph

 

 

The Hello Kitty Smart Car!  Vroom-vroom

 

 

The Hello Kitty sandwich maker.  I actually asked Santa for one of these last December, but I found too many other things for Mr. Claus' shopping list.

 

 

 

Darth Kitty! 

 

 

OK, last one.  I've found someone who is a bigger Hello Kitty fan than I will ever be, because as much as I love the little white bowed one, I doubt I will tat.

 

 

--Fortuitous Observer

 

 

Doomsday Preppers on NGO - Are Your Cats Worried?

Last weekend I discovered the National Geographic Channel's Doomsday Preppers.  I'll be honest, I tuned in because I thought the title read Doomsday PEPPERS and I was curious because Poseidon is a pepper connoisseur, so I thought I should have heard of this strange pepper plant, but I had not.  Curiosity.

No garden veggies on this show (fresh food of any kind would not be a viable item to pack in your emergency bag).  Never seen this show?  I will include the synopsis that NGO uses because I wouldn't be able to adequately describe it without a snark or two showing up: 

"Doomsday Preppers explores the lives of otherwise ordinary Americans who are preparing for the end of the world as we know it. Unique in their beliefs, motivations, and strategies, preppers will go to whatever lengths they can to make sure they are prepared for any of life’s uncertainties. And with our expert’s assessment, they will find out their chances of survival if their worst fears become a reality."

As I'm watching Doomsday Preppers, I'm thinking to myself, "Why am I not doing this?  Why am I not prepping?"  I am one of the most hypervigilant people I know (and my ink blot test results can confirm this), so why am I not spending a majority of my waking hours preparing for a national or global disaster?

I stayed tuned and was temporarily caught up in the show, mostly because these folks have a belief in something that is strong, and whether "outsiders" consider their mission misguided, cautious, heroic, mongoose shit crazy, etc., they do put their energy and focus (and money) into surviving.  I can't judge them for that.  It makes them like any other species:  instinctually driven to survive.

Back to the question I had during Doomsday Preppers:  Why am I not doing this?  Assuming something so catastrophic can happen at any moment, why is it that I have no emergency bag, no food or fuel storage, or solid plans to "evacuate" somewhere?  1.  I don't have the right shoes and I'm not in the mood for shoe shopping.  2.  Our cats told me we don't have to worry about it.

 

--Fortuitous Observer

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Some Days You are the Bug, Some Days You are the Windshield

Though this saying has probably been around for eons, today is my first time hearing it (or reading it...I found it on a website).

Now, why does it have to be that way (asks this eternal pessimist)?  Perhaps as I age, optimism is rearing its ugly head?  It could also be the steroids that are finally giving me relief from a pinched nerve handed to me during my last yoga class.  I'm not graceful, and my poses are ugly, but I'm trying.

Maybe the role does not have to be so black and white.  Maybe I can be the driver!

 

--Fortuitous Observer