Last week, June 7th to be exact, was the 45th anniversary of Dorothy Parker's death (August 22, 1893 – June 7, 1967). For those who have no idea who I'm talking about, she was an American satirist with the sharpest, snarkiest of wit! I started reading Ms. Parker in my mid-twenties, and I've had a girl crush on her since. I sometimes quote her on Facebook, simply because it feels like a Dorothy Parker quote kinda day.
So, in honor of this anniversary, and because I'm feeling witty this afternoon (though some might disagree), I've decided to list some of my most favorite Dorothy Parker quotes. A few of these are quite famous (or infamous, depending on how you see it), and this list is by no means exhaustive, but please enjoy and slap a smile on your face, and maybe read these to your cats later.
"This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it."
“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.”
"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.”
“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
“I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”
“I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.”
"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.”
“I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money."
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.” "I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it."
--Fortuitous Observer
