Articles and blog posts about not being invisible in your forties are many, but I've read very few that offer real, meaningful advice. I'm making sweeping generalizations here, but most women want to be visible to someone, some group, strangers, etc. If I said I didn't care, I would be lying.
H E A L T H Y
I'm just going to get to it, starting with the very first thing you need to do if you are in your 40s and you do not want to become or remain invisible: You have to get healthy.
What is healthy? Everyone has their own definition of "healthy" but make sure your definition is coming from a doctor, not self-diagnosed. Healthy doesn't mean skinny. Healthy doesn't mean, "I'm plus sized and I'm going to embrace my size and nothing else matters." Healthy means a complete package, not just weight management, normal blood pressure, being disease-free, etc. Here is the WHO's (World Health Organization) definition of health: "Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity."
I'm not a Hollywood size 0 with amazing muscle tone, flawless skin and the perfect smile, and I will never be, and neither will most of us. Why? Actresses, models, superstars and socialites can afford surgeries and the latest $500 cellulite cream (cellulite cream does not work ladies...ever), personal yoga instructors, daily massages, personal trainers, private nutritionists, chefs, etc. The rest of us cannot and should not expect to look like the beautiful 40-something women of Hollywood. It just isn't going to happen. That doesn't mean we can't be healthy and visible in our 40s.
Healthy means you are doing everything you and your doctor can to make sure you feel well, physically and mentally. If you are not eating properly, exercising in some way (even a few minutes a day) for mental, emotional and physical health, taking care of your teeth (Poseidon scolds me for not flossing, but I admit, I hate to floss), your skin, etc., you aren't healthy, and you will be invisible. Smoking? Stop. Today. Your hair, your skin, your teeth, all suffer from cigarette smoking (not to mention the internal damage...you know, lungs). Stop. Get some help from your doctor, but please stop.
Exercise. You have to. You can't make excuses. I have hypothyroidism. I take Synthroid. I suffer from chronic depression and anxiety. I exercise...several times a week, and I take a low dose of an anti-depressant (I now take half the dosage previously prescribed since realizing exercise is the best anti-depressant). Hypothyroidism isn't a disease, it is a condition, and it is treatable. It isn't an excuse for not exercising. Set up an exercise program with your doctor. If a doctor ever tells you that you can't exercise, get a second opinion. You might have some specific limitations, but a good doctor, one who truly wants you to be healthy isn't going to tell you that you aren't allowed to exercise.
I don't like having to go to the gym after work when I'd rather go straight home and turn on the TV or jump online and vegetate like a Lima bean. I don't particularly like getting up on Saturday and going to the gym or for a run when I can stay in bed and do nothing. But I do it, because I want and need the feeling I get afterwards. I do it because it's what my mind and my body need to make me feel good about myself which makes me happy, which makes Poseidon happy, which makes my coworkers and the strangers that have to deal with me on a daily basis happy. You get my point. You just have to do it. The best motivation for exercise is finding something you enjoy doing. Try a group fitness class, stand-up paddle boarding, dragon boat racing (my sister suggested this, and I have no clue what that even is, but it sounds cool). Do something that gets you moving that is enjoyable. Start small. Take a walk down the street. The next day, take a walk around the block, and before you know it, you've walked a mile. Build strength, give your metabolism a boost, but most importantly, feel good from the inside and out. When you feel good inside, you radiate outside and you won't be invisible.
Is money an issue? Exercise is free. You don't have to belong to an expensive gym or buy weights, and if you do buy a gym membership, make sure you are using it. Walking and running are free. Can't afford to go to the doctor? I understand. Try finding a free health clinic. I've done that. Can't afford a prescription for depression or hypothyroidism? Email, phone, or mail the pharmaceutical companies, because most of them will help you pay for your medication or give you a 30-day free supply. I know this is true, because I've had to do this. Are you seeing a doctor for depression and anxiety but you can't afford antidepressants? Ask your doctor for free samples. Pharmaceutical sales reps visit doctors regularly and give them samples of their drugs. Again, I know this is true because in my 20s I began suffering from chronic depression and my doctor gave me free samples of Zoloft for over a year. Swallow your pride and ASK.
The bottom line: You are important enough to be happy and visible (especially important and visible to yourself) no matter what your age. Something I finally realized in my 30s (it took me a while longer than it should have): Nobody is going to make me better but me. You can continue to make excuses, or you can be a happier version of you. Your choice. Nope. Stop it right there. There is no, "but." You either do the work needed to be happy, or you don't.
--Fortuitous Observer
