Our good friend--and best man at our wedding--said, "John is a fascinating guy. He just told me the story about being hit by a train once." My eyebrows raised 3 inches off my face because I did not know this story. Turns out to be true. The man was hit by a train, pulled out of the crumpled bits of metal that would never again resemble a vehicle. He didn't remember what happened until the next afternoon, he walked into a bar, and a man bought him a beer. He asked why, and the man told him he was the one who pulled him out of the car after the train hit him.
John was my stepfather for 22 years. He and my mother were married nearly as long as she and my father were married. I was in my 20s when they married, so he was more like a friend at first, but became a second father to me over the years. He could be opinionated, but if he valued one's opinion, he listened and was able to concede he might be wrong. That's how I know he respected me. He listened to me, even if we didn't always see eye-to-eye on an issue.
He passed away three months ago, on January 29th. We honored his final wishes over the weekend by spreading his ashes in the Gulf of Mexico, off the coast of Cedar Key, FL where he and mother have lived for many years. Mother Nature must have taken a liking to John because the skies were an amazing blue and the water eerily calm on Saturday. We took turns spreading his ashes over the side of the boat, and I whispered my goodbyes as I let a handful slip into the water.
On the flight home, I grabbed Joan Didion's The White Album from my backpack. She wrote an essay in 1975 about an incident that happened on one of her flights to Honolulu in which a man began screaming at a woman. Didion was bothered by this "because it had the aspect of a short story." She didn't want to see life broken down into small pieces or vignettes. She "was going to Honolulu because I wanted to see life expanded to a novel, and I still do." Reading this made me think of John's "train" story. Alone, it makes for an intriguing short story in which we see just a snippet of his life, but fortunately, John had many such stories, and his life is more than a novel.
Swim forever, John Parker. Just stay away from the old Cedar Key railroad trestle.
At the beginning of the year I subscribed to a flaky pick-me-up inspirational newsletter, and I usually move the daily emails directly to a folder in my inbox that serves as an "eh, I'll get to it when I get to it" catch all, and they mostly go unread, but on some days, the subject line speaks to me (or makes me say aloud, "What???"), and I click on the link and take a peek, like yesterday. The subject was "Create a Supportive Life Story" which seemed mad cheesy, but less dippy than most, so I opened it and I read this line:
"We all have a story to tell, but sometimes we get stuck in that story and become our story."
I rolled my eyes for minutes on this one, but I decided to buck up and read it anyway because there was a remote possibility I might learn something new about myself, or at least pretend to.
The article was short and precise, and rather than try to paraphrase what I believe the most important part is, I will just quote the author:
Take a moment to look at the life story you create for yourself on an ongoing basis. If you generally feel peaceful about the past and trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way, then you are framing circumstances in a manner that serves you well. On the other hand, if you retain a lot of guilt or resentment and often feel weighed down by life, you may want to start telling yourself a new version of past and present events. --Madisyn Taylor
My take away from this? Clean your house damn it (in an emotional sense)! We can all tell ourselves (and everyone else) some kick-ass folk tales, but if a person is not truly digging life, then there is a need to do something about it. No, we cannot re-write our past, but we can grab it by the ears, accept that we can't erase the past, but we sure has heck can deal with it first, then we can re-write our present and future life the way we want. No kidding...oh this post is so much sappier than normal, but I'm rolling with it.
For example, I could remain Esther Greenwood (The Bell Jar), and simply say, "I've suffered from depression, and that will always be my identity." Or, I could say, "Nah, thank you, I don't need to identify with that any longer, and write myself a new ending (which is what I've been doing over the past couple of years).
So, I think it is entirely possible to let go of a Hester Prynne life and rewrite a Lady Macbeth life (just don't go talking your love into killing and all that jazz).
Transform a sulky Mary Lennox into a Hermione Granger, It doesn't matter at what age you decide to write yourself a new ending. Even Mrs. Clarissa Dalloway can become Jo March.
Last week, June 7th to be exact, was the 45th anniversary of Dorothy Parker's death (August 22, 1893 – June 7, 1967). For those who have no idea who I'm talking about, she was an American satirist with the sharpest, snarkiest of wit! I started reading Ms. Parker in my mid-twenties, and I've had a girl crush on her since. I sometimes quote her on Facebook, simply because it feels like a Dorothy Parker quote kinda day.
So, in honor of this anniversary, and because I'm feeling witty this afternoon (though some might disagree), I've decided to list some of my most favorite Dorothy Parker quotes. A few of these are quite famous (or infamous, depending on how you see it), and this list is by no means exhaustive, but please enjoy and slap a smile on your face, and maybe read these to your cats later.
"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue."
"This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it."
“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.”
"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.”
“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
“I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”
“I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.”
"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.”
“I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money."
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”"I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it."
Earlier this morning, Poseidon forwarded to me the New York Times opinion article written last week, "Amazon's Jungle Logic" by Richard Russo. This opinion piece is in response to the infamous Amazon app, Price Check, that seems to be causing so much uproar, most notably from small/local bookstores. I also read a few other articles on the subject today (between XML code changes and researching error messages...you know, my day job "stuff"), and I understand the clamor and the Amazon "backlash," but I also understand Amazon.
I don't claim to be an expert, but as a reader of books and habitué of all things internet, I'm right down the middle on this one, and here are my thoughts on the matter (worth probably 1/2 cent).
Some Background
The Amazon Price Check app (which I do not have by the way) gives customers the ability, while shopping at any brick-and-mortar store, to scan the barcodes of items also sold by Amazon.com, to get instant price comparisons between the store and Amazon.com. What shopper wouldn't love this? Of course, the issue under scrutiny is that Amazon's promotion of the Price Check app gives customers $5 off (up to $15) purchases made through the app at Amazon.
The Controversy
There are, as I see it, two major bones of contention with Amazon's new app and I'm spouting off on both:
1. Many view this is as an ingenious (others might say insidious) strategy for gathering price data from competitors. This concept is nothing new folks.
A friend of mine who got his MBA back in 1991 started his new job, with a very well known company (no longer in business by the way), as a price gatherer--though I don't know what the actual professional term was for this position way back when. His duties required him to drive around the southeast to visit the retail stores of his company's competitors, check their prices on certain items, and report back. His company would publish coupons in local papers for consumers to cut out, take in, and rake in. The only difference I see in the Amazon Price Check app promotion and the days of yore couponing? Technology. Technological advances since the early 90s allow Amazon to save gas and staff salaries, and consumers who want to spend less (including not paying sales tax) do the leg work.
2. As I mentioned earlier, it appears that small mom-and-pop book stores are the most offended with Amazon and their Price Check app. I'll say one or two things about this. First, the Amazon Price Check promotion does not include book sales, or so I've read...again, I don't have the app and won't be downloading it. The melee could simply end here, but of course, it doesn't.
I like, no I love going to small independent book sellers in our area and that won't change. As long as books are still printed on paper, I'll be perusing the shelves. Why would I do that when the book prices are sometimes more than Amazon's prices and I have to pay local sales tax? Because I can't "browse" the shelves of Amazon.com in person. Book stores are like candy stores to me. I like looking at the book covers, seeing the artwork up close and personal, thumbing through the pages, and more importantly, people watching. I can't (and don't really want to, honestly) people watch on Amazon. I'm not a coffee drinker, but believe it or not, some civilized folks actually enjoy a nice cup of coffee while reading in the comfort of a local book seller's brick-and-mortar establishment while listening to some cool beat music from the past.
For those worried about your favorite independent book stores closing up shop due to the likes of Amazon, don't, and I highly recommend this Forbes blog post, "Amazon and the Starbucks Effect" by E.D. Kain. Kain has actually written a few posts on the topic of the internet and future of local businesses, and in another blog post, "The Future of Local Business is Selling an Experience" he says, "That’s the future of local businesses – a multi-faceted experience that goes beyond the product itself."
Kain summarizes this entire issue better than I ever could in yet another blog post, "Shop everywhere. I do. I shop at Amazon regularly. But I wouldn’t dream of spying on my local bookseller for the behemoth in the market."
As demanders of the latest and greatest, we have only ourselves to blame. If the technology exists, and can exist (and there is no going back now), businesses, both Herculean online entities and local retailers will use the technology they can afford to do what they've always done: vie for our business. We require they court us and woo us with something, whether it be an experience or a coupon...be careful what you ask for.
I swear, October isn't even here yet and the Christmas faeries are already stuffing thoughts and ideas into my head! Last year I composed a brief post about Christmas gifts for intelligent women, and hopefully I helped a few people with gift buying ideas for 2010. In anticipation of the 2011 holidays, I've already charged ahead and created my "2011 Christmas Gifts for Kooky, Fun, Intelligent Women" post to help out those early shoppers, and perhaps jump start those pesky procrastinators (I lump myself into the latter category):
Meliciously Yours tshirts make my list again. These soft vintage tees with Victorian inspired designs make me feel empowered and feminine when I wear them (no, unfortunately, that is not me in the picture). When I wear these tees out, I nearly always have women asking me, "Where did you get that shirt?" That's easy! Go to the Melicious Tees site and order one (or two, or three) for yourself or the hip, bright chick(s) in your life (or if you are in the North Carolina, South Carolina area, a few boutiques along the coast sell them). I personally like the new 'Innovator' design. Meliciously Yours is also a proud sponsor of Girls Rock NC, a non-profit organization that provides music and arts programming for girls ages 7 - 17!
The Emwave Pc Stress Relief Biofeedback Heartmath System is on my personal Christmas list this year. Yeah, I know it sounds a bit like science fiction, and a few years ago I would have gone so far as to say this is a bit "flaky" but I use this device from time to time in my therapist's office and she recommends I get one for myself, so Poseidon, if you are reading this...just want you to know what you can add to my Christmas list for 2011. This little contraption guides you to achieving more creative energy levels and reducing your anxiety and stress levels. Hear that intelligent gals everywhere? This little gadget helps reduce stress! I can personally vouch for it's effectiveness (ok, its effectiveness on me...I don't want hate emails later).
What woman doesn't love shoes (there may be some out there who just don't get shoes, and I call them freaks)? Poetic License is one of my favorite shoe brands because they come in some wacky textures and colors, yet classic enough to wear to work. The Poetic License Jeweled Expression flat is a sensible, yet funky shoe for the intelligent belle. Not too high, just right. Even my batty little bunions don't scream quite as loudly as they could in Poetic License shoes. Try Endless.com when shopping for Poetic License shoes because they seem to be cheaper than other online shoe sites. I know in my area, Belk carries this line, but they usually have only a handful of styles.
Another item from my 2010 shopping list that is making a repeat performance is the B&N's Nook Color. Now, I still haven't purchased one of these myself because I worship paper books and I'm not ready to part with the feel of paper on my fingers and all of that nonsense. But, my sister does own one of these now and it is super handy and super cool. I think I mentioned last year that my mother-in-law has the nook (not the one in color), and she still loves it. As a matter-of-fact, a few weeks ago her power was out, she had no lights for hours, but she could still read! For now, ladies (and gents), I'm sticking with the old-fashioned kind of book, but I recommend these, especially great for travel. You can read, surf, or just look distinctly smart while carrying it around.
Last but not least, everyone should visit Maylee's Garden on Artfire.com. Poseidon and I buy her handmade laundry detergent and it is fantastic! The scents are incredible, most notably the nag champa. My other favorite is patchouli lavender (though I think patchouli is sometimes difficult to get because the patchouli crop demand is still greater than the supply, so sometimes she may be out). We always buy our laundry detergent from Maylee's Garden rather than local stores because the essential oils and scents make the laundry smell spectacular (I'm not just saying that). You actually use much less of Maylee's detergent than you do store-bought suds, so the price is well worth it! She often sends a sample pack of a new scent with our order, which is an added bonus. Maylee's Garden also has soaps, perfume oils, and she even makes a shampoo bar specifically formulated for dreadlocks (I've never tried it because, well, I don't have dreads -- not yet). Please do visit her site. Her products would make great gifts for moms, mother-in-laws, sisters, cousins, aunts, daughters, friends, (ok even men), etc.
I know it is a short list, but it's been a busy year (new job, gallbladder removed, house on the market, etc.) and I personally haven't seen much in the way of anything intensely new or exciting screaming "BUY ME, DAMN IT."
Before closing, I just want to add a word or two (or a few) about gift cards. Gift cards may seem boring and dull, and some may even say "tacky," but they are usually much appreciated, so if you have to wimp out and you just can't summon any imaginative shopping juice from the creativity gods and none of the above ideas are "just right," then gift cards are a sensible choice. I recommend Sephora, Amazon, or a local day spa (if you are in the Raleigh, NC area or GA, TN, FL, or KS, I highly recommend Natural Body Spa).
Zeus and I had dinner this past weekend with R, M, and D, and R was telling us a funny story about when she was 4-years-old and she got a spanking from her father, and she told him that must never happen again (yes, at the age of 4 she doled out some sage words of advice for her father, which is what makes the story so funny), and it made me recall a particular spanking I received from my father when I was around 6 or 7 (I can't remember exactly).
I had done something (I can't remember that either...honestly) and my mom told me that she was going to have my dad spank me when he got home from the store. I knew I didn't want a spanking, and I also knew she was too mad to plea bargain so I waited nervously for him to return. Through my anxiety, I was somehow able to have an epiphany that would save me. I had seen a sitcom not too long before this incident in which a child was in the same situation I found myself to be. This child decided that a spanking would hurt less if he put a book in his pants before getting the spanking. His dad would be hitting the book and not his bottom. How clever! I was going to do that.
Fortunately, we had a large selection of books. Unfortunately, I chose a huge reference book, thinking it would be thicker, therefore, I would feel the spanking less (I was only 6 or 7 remember). So, I put the book in my shorts and waited for my dad to come home, feeling almost sorry for him that he would be giving me a spanking that wouldn't bother me.
Dad arrived home, mom told him what I did (I still can't remember what it was...honestly), and I was sitting in the kitchen awaiting my fate. He came in, told me he had to give me a spanking, and I believe I almost smiled as I turned around as if to say, "Go ahead, give it all you got." Of course, he saw the book in my shorts, and I heard him laugh, just a little, enough to know I'd been caught, and he told me to take the book out, so I did, and even though he found it a little amusing, I still got the promised spanking. The spanking didn't hurt, but I included the obligatory cries and I-hate-you yells, then it was over.
I realized later that my mistake was in the book selection. Had I chosen Winne the Pooh or even Little Women, I may have actually gotten away with it, but I also knew if I tried that again, my father was not going to be amused twice, so I left those antics to the make believe children on the sitcoms...
I have been a fan of Dr. Seuss since I could read (he helped me learn to read actually, the silly old guff, and he didn't even know it), and during the past 7 months of membership in the unemployed gang I've been riding the emotional roller coaster at full-tilt. I find happy hills one day and sad lonely valleys the next. It has been a vicious ride and an unkind one. Zeus has been supportive and he has had to deal with many of these emotions, fast and furiously, without warning most of the time, and I owe him a great deal.
Though I am leary about posting this news until it is in writing, I believe I am now among the employed once again (though I am waiting for the official offer letter, I was given the good news verbally today).
When my time in unemployment land began, I was hopeful and optimistic. I've never had a problem finding a job, and my skills are quite valuable. As the weeks wore on, my optimism waned a bit and I quickly had to recover it, getting my energy level elevated once more. As the months wore on, it was becoming quite impossible to keep motivated. I tried every day to keep my head above the tide and continue to swim. I'll admit, these last couple of weeks were the toughest and to be honest, I'm not sure I could have continued to tread water.
So, after receiving the call today with a job offer (a very, very good one), I ran through every emotion possible and became quite philosophical, causing me to reach for my small blue book, Seuss-isms, a book edited by Audrey Geisel, Ted Geisel's (a.k.a. Dr. Suess) wife, and I found a Seuss-ism that is perfect for today:
I learned there are troubles Of more than one kind. Some come from ahead And some come from behind
For no particular reason, I feel as though I have no imagination today. I just finished writing a couple of articles which were ok, but it took much longer than it would normally take. I was suffering from temporary writer's block.
I picked up my copy of Dorothy Parker's Complete Stories, which usually inspires me because she is so darn witty, but I didn't feel like reading, so I put it back down. I was ready to go for my 2 mile run around the lake, but then it started raining. I'm on my 3rd Diet Coke of the day (I know Zeus, I don't need to hear about it...btw, I just finished your left-over black bean taco from last night, so I hope you weren't planning on eating it), and my cat threw up again this morning. He's on steroids for his food allergy/Irritable Bowel Syndrome issue (yes, cats can actually suffer from IBS, go figure) and the steroids are supposed to stop his vomiting, so I think he's doing it because he can. If I were cruel to animals I would be baking him in the oven-proof pyrex casserole dish right now with some broccoli and brie, so lucky for him, I'm not cruel to animals (yet) and I don't think I would like eating cat so much.
Ugh, anyway, the rain has stopped now, so I will try to go for my run. I don't mind getting rained on during my run, I just hate to start out in the rain. It makes me want to run back home with a bowl of Trix cereal (though I haven't had Trix for years so I don't know where that came from) and a blanket with the AC turned down to 68 degrees so that I'm shivering, while I watch Judge Judy. It just sounds good right now.
Oh, before I forget, I found this great quote yesterday from Dorothy Parker (her birthday is actually Saturday, 8/22, or would have been) about writing and I wanted to share it:
"I hate writing, but love having written." Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
"Many a woman is attractive until she talks. Then a shrill voice or a nasal twang or a deadly drawl may completely spoil the picture." This comes from a great book I just finished reading titled, "Better Than Beauty, A Guide to Charm." Now, let me explain why this book is so great.
It is an entertaining read because it was originally published in 1938 (and republished a few years ago). Though I found this book to be completely humorous, it is supposed to be a serious book, teaching all women in 1938 how to be charming. While most of the information is timeless and still applies today, I found myself laughing out loud a number of times!
Ms. Valentine and Ms. Thompson, the authors of the book, asked some important men about town back in the day what they felt the worst offensive against grooming that women committed and the number one was the runaway bra shoulder strap! That makes me a good grooming violater. For some reason, no matter what size bra I buy, or how tight I make those damn straps, my shoulders were not meant to hold up straps. I can't tell you the number of times I've been caught digging through my shirt like I was digging for buried treasure, trying to recapture a slipped bra strap. I truly apologize to all men out there who have been a witness to this. However, in our defense, you have to admit that the manner in which we can maneuver that strap back onto the shoulder is nothing short of an acrobatic miracle!
The second faux paux that men considered a grooming offense while this book was being written is the peeping slip. I think I own a slip or two but I rarely wear them, and I think they are extremely short, and at 40, I'm not wearing miniskirts so much anymore, so I don't really worry about this one. I have seen women walking ahead of me with hanging slips, and I'll admit, I don't think much about it. Maybe men are more annoyed at this than women. According to Ms. Valentine and Ms. Thompson, "You can't look charming with dangling underware, so watch your slip!"
And, the number three grooming offense (again, according to men in 1938) is the overstuffed purse. Who do they think they are? First, I'll bet there are very few ladies out there who aren't guilty of this little sin. It just happens. Purses are our catch-all if you will. But, how many times has a man asked you to carry something in your purse for him? I know it happens to me! Maybe our purses wouldn't be overstuffed if we didn't have to carry their junk around. Currently though, I am only carrying a very small purse with just the necessities, like my wallet and check book and my cell phone, and one of my cat's collars (I don't know why, don't ask). The authors give us a quote from one of the men they interviewed about overstuffed purses: "No matter how neat a woman looks, a sloppy, over-filled handbag is a dead giveaway. I know her bureau drawers are a mess. And I suspect her mind is, too." I'm not sure if this man was married at the time, but if he was, I am quite certain that he slept out on the fire escape that night, snuggling with a cold blanket a pigeon.
I would love to see some comments from men on what you find to be a woman's worst grooming habit, or from women on other womens' worst grooming habit! Tell me!
