Soul Thumping

On Being Approachable

I stopped by the grocery store tonight, the store I frequent at least twice each week.  John (yup, that it his real name), the cashier in the self-checkout section was there.  Without meaning to armchair diagnose, I'm going to assume John is somewhere on that beautifully colored autism spectrum.  He has been working at my grocery store for at least 5 years.  Only during the last 2 or 3 years has he "recognized" me as a frequent customer.  Tonight he said something to me that made me cry when I was safely tucked away in my car in the parking lot.  He asked me how I was doing and I told him I was doing great, ready to start the new year.  I inquired about his biking (he bought a bike earlier this year and has done a great deal of riding), and he told me he has taken advantage of the warm weather.  He always has some amazing facts to talk about, from the economy in Japan to migrating birds.  Before I left, he said, "I enjoy talking to you.  You are very approachable."  I wished him a great 2016 and headed out with my purchase, and when I got outside, I started to run to the car, not because of the rain, but because I started to cry.

 

This is important to me because approximately 3 years ago, I decided to start smiling.  I started smiling because I noticed no one else was smiling.  I was simply disgusted with passing mean, unsmiling people.  Everyone became ugly and unapproachable and my stomach was upset with so much ugliness.  Seriously.  I found the foul look on the face of the general public repugnant and disturbing, regardless of gender, race, single/married, with someone, alone, with kids, without, with friends/family, without.  I vowed to no longer contribute to that shit.  I began smiling at every stranger I passed.  I felt better.  It's no secret I battle chronic depression.  It's also no secret that these battles have been reduced to minor "struggles" and they are few and far between now.  I feel great, and 9 times out of 10, those I smile at, smile back, even if they have a frown at the time we make eye contact.  My The world is a better place.

How do I know it's working?  I feel better and I think I've made a difference just by learning to smile.  Don't get me wrong, I trust my gut and I have boundaries, but I'm learning to be approachable by flashing a bit of acceptance before I even know a person.

A coworker, a woman I admire and respect, told me that in the past she has received negative performance reviews because coworkers found her "unapproachable and intimidating."  I myself felt that way around her in the beginning, before I knew her.  I know after 4 years that if I need anything she is there and she is an amazing mom, woman, coworker, human, etc.  It took me nearly 4 years to realize this.  I don't want to be that person.  I want people to know right away that I can be approached.

At the beginning of this year, I was in the same grocery store.  I saw a little girl (4 or 5, I'm guessing) walking around the produce section by herself.  We made eye contact and she came running up to me.  She asked me if I could help her find her mom.  I parked my cart to the side and she took my hand.  This little girl, she didn't know me and I didn't know her.  I told her I would of course help her find her mom.  I asked her where she last saw her, what her mom looked like, etc.  We found Mom, who was just as frantic as the little girl.  The mom thanked me, and I told her I was happy to help.  I couldn't help but think, this little girl must have seen something in me that made her want to approach me.  I was so glad she could see whatever it was that she saw.  I would be sad if I thought someone in distress needed help but couldn't find an approachable human.  Travesty.

"You make my heart a little happier when I see you coming in the store."  This kind compliment was given to me two years ago by the owner of the dry cleaner near my home.  I see her only a handful of times each year, but she knows my name and she always jumps to wait on me.  I also cried in the safety of my car the day she first told me that.

I usually don't make resolutions, but if you do, I urge you to consider being more approachable in 2016, because it has improved my life greatly, and I'm willing to bet it will improve the lives of strangers who come into contact with you.  Serendipity is powerful.

Happy 2016 everyone.

 

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An Anniversary of Sorts...with Deerhunter

Poseidon and I met in the fall of 2008, on a Sunday night.  Our first date was on November 2nd, 2008.  We met for beer, then walked over to the Deerhunter show at Cat's Cradle.

Nearly a year and a half later, Deerhunter played again, at Cat's Cradle, on a Sunday night.  We bought tickets.  Poseidon proposed to me over a glass of wine, before the show, at the same bar we met for beers on our first date.

Deerhunter will be playing Cat's Cradle again, this Sunday, September 22nd.  We have tickets.  Poseidon and I recently celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary in August.  We were at the beach with a friend that week, and we didn't officially celebrate (except, we did get up early that morning to watch the sunrise on the beach) so on Sunday, we will.  With Deerhunter.  Again.

I heart you Poseidon.

 

One of my favorite pictures from our wedding...

Oh, and one of my favorite pictures of Deerhunter (photo by Robert Semmer  www.robertsemmer.com)...

--Amphitrite

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Pink Panther Smokes and Drives a Silver Convertible Mercedes!

I saw Pink Panther today, driving a convertible.  Serendipity again finds me because if I hadn't decided to take the day off today, I would have missed this most absurd chance sighting.  I couldn't make up this silliness if I tried!

On my drive back from voting (early voting is going on in most states now people, so please get out there and vote), I was stopped at a red light and by mere happenstance, I looked in the rear view mirror.  I did a double take.  Sitting in a silver Mercedes convertible behind me was a man in a full Pink Panther suit, with one arm on the door, smoking a cigarette, and bopping his head back and forth to whatever music he was listening to.  How is it that I see this fantastical shit?

I stared in the rear view mirror, because frankly, I didn't know what else to do.  The light turned green and I was so happy to see that he was going my direction!  I wanted to pull out my iPhone and snap a picture but I was too flabbergasted to find the phone.  All I could think was how lucky I am to have experienced this wondrous slice of life!

Alas, he turned left at the next light, and that was that.  Honestly, I haven't been this excited since seeing the Christmas Panda!

 

--Fortuitous Observer

The Christmas Panda!

This afternoon I was teeming with the grumpies, and I mean bad.  I'm not sure why, I suppose because of traffic, annoying stupidpods (I made that up actually, it's my new term for morons), and the fact that I had several errands to run that weren't going to run themselves, and I wasn't feeling well.  That is enough, in my estimation, to cause the grumpies.  Completely justified.

My last errand involved going back to the UPS Shipping store for the 10th time in the past week (I can't avoid hyperbole sometimes...ok, most times).  I had to stand in line forever (there I go again), but I managed to keep my composure.  The folks there are so nice, but not the sharpest tools in the proverbial shed.  Anyway, by the time I got out of the store, and headed to my car in the parking lot, I was tired, and still grumpy.  I looked up just in time to see that I was heading into the direct path of a speeding stupidpod (yeah, I got to use it twice already).  It wasn't his fault, it was mine because I wasn't paying attention (I guess I'm the stupidpod).

When I got back to my car, I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.  I pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to suburbia.  Before I turned onto my street, what to my wondering eyes should appear?  A large panda (I know it was really just a person in a panda suit) be-bopping down the sidewalk.  The panda had a backpack on, heading toward the bus stop.  At first I thought I was having a Phish show flashback, but I wasn't!  It was a panda, and it was a miracle panda because I found myself smiling!  My grumpies have now gone away.  Thank you Christmas panda, thank you!

--Fortuitous Observer

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Supermarket Grazers and Serendepity

Throughout my life, I've found myself in some rather strange situations.  I've seen things that I can't believe I saw, met people I can't believe I met, experienced things I can't believe I had the pleasure (or displeasure) of experiencing, etc.  Knowing this, the bizarre happenings I've seen at a local grocery store should be no surprise to me.  I won't disclose the name of the store because I don't want loyal patrons to go elsewhere, and I like the store so I'm not faulting them for the gaffes of some of their less than smooth shoppers.

About 2 or 3 months ago I was shopping at this particular grocery store, and as I passed by the salad bar with my cart, I saw a woman picking chicken out of the salad bar and eating it.  She wasn't making a salad, she simply picked chicken out of the salad bar pan, with her fingers, and ate it.  This woman was probably in her mid to late 60s, very well-dressed, well-coiffed.  She wasn't lacking in the money department, judging by her outward appearance.  I thought maybe I was hallucinating and hadn't properly seen the situation so I looked again.  I saw things correctly.  This woman was picking chicken out of the salad bar with her bare fingers, eating the chicken, and putting her grubby little fingers back in the pan and repeating.  Does she realize she is shoplifting?  Does she not care that she is putting her hands directly in food that other people are going to scoop up with the PROVIDED SALAD UTENSILS to take home to their families?  It was like a train wreck.  I wanted to keep watching but I was appalled and a little frightened.  She might actually be bat-shit crazy and if I keep watching, she may come over and kill me.

Later that evening I told Zeus the story.  He was equally appalled, and I can tell you this, I haven't made a salad from that salad bar since witnessing this incident, and probably won't.

This week I was shopping in the same store and I was looking at the sushi, thinking I'm not really keen on buying sushi from a grocery store but it looked good so I considered it for a minute...wait, I'm getting off track.  While looking at the sushi, I suddenly smelled chili, and I looked around, and I saw a woman, a shopper, stirring the chili at the salad bar.  She then pulled a small styrofoam cup from her purse, put a ladle-full of chili in this little cup and began to eat it right there on the salad bar!  This woman was also in her mid to late 60s, though I don't think it was the same woman eating the chicken from the salad bar (but it could have been).  She was also very well-dressed and her hair was salon cut.  She didn't seem to lack money either, yet she is stealing chili from the salad bar!  What is going on?  I mentally outlined every possible reason for doing this that I could.  I even considered the scenario that she has low-blood sugar or something and she needed to eat right then and there, but she would pay for it when she checks the rest of her groceries out (I'm a little less cynical this week or I wouldn't have even considered this a possibility, I would have just stuck with the "she is bat-shit crazy" story).

Why is this happening?  Why are these women doing this?  I know many women of that age and none of them would have the audacity to something so gauche.  I don't know but it was creeping me out for the remainder of the afternoon.

I again told Zeus my tale of the uncouth, seemingly well-to-do woman, using the grocery store salad bar as a personal trough (though at least she brought and used her own cup, and she did use a plastic spoon from the salad bar--she didn't bring her own spoon).  I asked Zeus why it is that I witness these atrocities (that word might be a bit strong, as there are certainly worse things in the world)?  Is it serendipity?  I am I doomed to be witness to the oddest of the odd among us?  Oh, I hope so!

 

--Fortuitous Observer

Unemployment and The Brady Bunch

Hello World (those programmers out there will get that).  Welcome to my blog.  I am a software analyst/consultant by day and a freelance writer by night.  Let me introduce myself (this isn't a geek blog, I promise).  I'm unemployed.  There.  I've said it.  I was laid off in February of this year.  I've never been laid off before, but at forty, I suppose I'm rather lucky in that regard.  I could mope and complain and blame the asses on Wall Street and in Washington, DC (and various others) for this unfortunate economical situation we've landed in, but I won't, because that won't change the fact that I'm unemployed and it will only zap the rest of my positive energy.  With all the bad news in the press these days, I want to say something fun, unique, odd (many of my friends would say this word describes me best), and most importantly, positive.

So, what am I doing?  The same thing everyone else who is unemployed is doing (hopefully).  I get up everyday, log on to the old laptop and begin my daily routine of weeding through the gazillions of job posting sites, networking, sending out cover letters and resumes to anyone who will bother taking them, banging my head a couple of times on the desk, then going for a jog around the lake (I'm trying to make sure I do this every day now...the lake is my rescuer these days).

Yesterday during my jog I noticed the awe-inspiring fragrances of spring around me, and I was swept up in the moment.  I even believed for a second that the trees were waving at me (OK, I know it was the wind, but it was nice to feel welcomed) because I had not been to the lake in nearly a week.  As I was jogging along the trail, soaking up the warm Carolina rays and happy to be alive and kicking, never mind being unemployed, I began to sing the song, "It's a Sunshine Day" from the Brady Bunch.  Remember that one?  I know I'm probably going to scare many folks now, but I own a copy of the "It's a Sunshine Day, The Best of The Brady Bunch" CD.  The reason the song was in my head while I was jogging is because I've been listening to the CD during the day as I job search.  It keeps me "happy" and motivated.  It really does.

Motivation is even more important now that I'm at home all day, forcing myself to get up and keep moving and not focusing on my lack of employment.  Yes, I'm in a predicament, like many others right now, but let's try to stay positive.  Get some exercise, enjoy the time at home, start a new hobby, go for a run each time you start to feel sorry for yourself, or thinking about how you're going to pay the mortgage next month.  Trust me, I have these thoughts and concerns too, but as my pal T. told me, taking care of yourself is one thing you can control in these crazy times, so seize the opportunity.

I don't want to sound like a cheerleader or motivational speaker, and I don't claim to be one, but if anyone is feeling down, you really can weather through this with some positive thinking (I keep reminding myself of that every hour), and perhaps the Brady Bunch can help you too.  I'm convinced the Brady Bunch is good for the psyche.  If you don't own a copy of this CD (and I know some of you would never admit to it if you did), go out and get yourself one.  I think I bought mine 10 years ago at a used CD store, but I'm sure you can probably find a copy on line (I know this is sad, but I also own a copy of the Partridge Family CD).

For those of you who are in the same unfortunate situation, whether or not you decide to sing along with the Brady Bunch kids, I think it's wise to get up every morning and put a smile on, even if you don't want to and you feel like kicking someone or something (please, no animals though).  Who knows, you may even be able to turn unemployment into an opportunity to rethink your life and your career goals.  Yeah!  This could be a serendipitous intersection in your life!  I know I'm making it one in mine.  My soul is tired of taking the thumpings so I've decided I'm going to "Keep On" (another song form the Brady Bunch CD) keeping on and I hope everyone else does too.