Act I: I was desperately searching for an elevator, and unable to find anything resembling an elevator.
Act II: I found an elevator, but it wasn't the elevator I really wanted, but for some reason, I got on, and found myself pushing the wrong buttons! Repeatedly.
Act III: Wondering aimlessly (not sure what floor, or when/how I got off the elevator), I see a guy in an enclosed scooter or something, and he had to use a special pod-like elevator. I asked If I could use the pod elevator, but he said the pod elevator is only for those having their blood pressure checked or some nonsense.
Fortunately, I woke up before Act IV or I would most certainly have considered having my blood pressure checked today.
Twins were in the news like crazy this week, and because I'm fortunate enough to be a twin, I read the articles because I like to see what they are saying about us.
The New York Times ran a story on Monday about astronaut Commander Scott Kelly and his identical twin brother, Mark Kelly (husband to Gabby Giffords). Next year, Scott Kelly will return to space for an extended stay, "and after his return, scientists will closely monitor Commander Kelly to see what changes space has wrought." NASA will also be monitoring Mark Kelly (now retired). As the Kelly's will be the only identical twins to have flown in space, scientists plan to do a full genome analysis of the brothers to study how environment changes genes.
Because the twin birth rate in the U.S. is climbing (twin birthrate rose 76 percent from 1980 to 2009, according to the National Center for Health Statistics...yes, someday, we will take over the world), more "twin" studies than ever are being done, which means more articles, more myths, leading to more fascination.
Another interesting fact (not mentioned in the article): Though rare, it is possible for identical twins to have different blood types. Identical twins come from the same egg and the same sperm, so we share nearly identical DNA, but some small changes in DNA can happen.
So, because it is Thursday, I dug out a TBT picture of me and my identical twin sister, and a selfie we took in 2012. Wonder twin powers. Activate.
By Spedona (cliché personnel) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Why? Well, as everyone knows, I refer to my husband as Poseidon in my posts, so why not be his Amphitrite (for those non-Greek mythology loving people out there, that is pronounced Am - fuh - trite - ee)? I will now sign off on my posts with name Amphitrite rather than Fortuitous Observer. You can go back to eating your cereal now. The queen of the sea has spoken.
Personalized license plates, a.k.a. vanity plates, seem to be everywhere again, or maybe I'm just noticing them. If Facebook, Twitter, and personal blogs (yup, I'm making fun of myself) aren't narcissistic enough, for a mere $38--in my state anyway--a driver can slap a tag to the back of the car, letting the world know what a special snowflake he/she is.
Some of the personalized tags I've seen recently are silly, some are confusing, some are ironic and make me roll my eyes--I spend a good deal of time doing that--some are actually clever (but very few), and some are just well, stupid. Why the snark? Because the owners of these cars don't have to look at the ambiguous word-vomit...I do, so I'm allowed to snark, right? That was rhetorical, snowflakes.
Here is my list of some of the more memorable tags I've spotted over the past few months:
On a nondescript sedan: 2FAST4U - Ironically, no. No you're not. I was behind you for a significant stretch of the freeway...in the left lane. I think I may have posted this one on Facebook the morning I saw it. Irony was hard at work here.
I genuinely liked this plate because of its cute factor...it was on a Volkswagen: BRICKHAUS.
This gem was on a Lexus SUV: IMAGO'ER - Apparently I caught you an an off-day, I dunno.
A bright yellow Mustang's tag read: VRROOMX2 - A suggestion for your next vanity plate: PUTTX2
I don't remember what type of vehicle was sporting this tag: IMADOC - I'm assuming DOC means doctor. If the driver of the vehicle is a doctor, then this just seems lame and braggy. If, on the other hand, the driver is not a doctor, well, then it's very funny.
I spotted this tag on a VW Bug years ago, and because I still remember it, it must be a keeper: O2LUVABUG
That makes two very cool tags on Volkswagens. VW owners are clever!
I saw this personalized tag yesterday on a minivan, and it made me laugh: MUD PIES. Very cool. It made me think of my own childhood, making mud pies with my sister, then feeding them to my brother.
I myself have not seen this tag, but Poseidon has, or knew the person who had the tag, or something like that (or, perhaps its an urban legend). I'm probably correct in thinking the owner wanted to somehow say he is making a NEW START in life, but it just doesn't come out that way (no pun intended): ANUSTART.
Earlier this week I asked Poseidon if I should move my hair dryer into the guest bathroom so that we wouldn't be in each others way in our bathroom while we get ready for work. He said no, but I could move it into the Little People Room...
I'll explain. In one of our spare bedrooms (we call it the "Green Room" because the walls are painted dark green), there is a small door, about 4 feet in height, that leads to a small attic over the study. When I first bought the house and my brother was helping me move in, he christened it "The Little People Room" and began to creep me out by telling me little people live in that room and come out at night when everyone is asleep. So, I avoid The Little People Room and Poseidon knows it disturbs me (by the way, I have yet to see any little people in the house, or even hear little people in the house, nonetheless, I'm still unnerved by the thought of little leprechauns running around at night).
Anyway, when Poseidon suggested I move my hair dryer into the Little People Room, I said, "No!" Trying to sound brave, I explained that I couldn't possibly move the dryer into the Little People Room because there is no mirror. Of course, he quickly pointed out that he could put one in there. I then decided to play along with his little game, telling him that I would be happy to move the hair dryer in there, and that I would make friends with the Little People, and they would eventually make me their queen.
I didn't stop there. After they make me their queen, I will lead them on a revolt against the tyranny of the Big People (meaning Poseidon) and we would take over the house and it would be Poseidon imprisoned in the Little People Room -- which we would promptly rename the "Big People Room."
I was really getting into this power trip when Poseidon put a damper on my imaginative story. He said, "What happens after you lead them on the revolt and they no longer need you?"
Foreseeing that I will end up in the Little People Room anyway, I'll be mirror shopping today so I can see to dry my hair...
"Many a woman is attractive until she talks. Then a shrill voice or a nasal twang or a deadly drawl may completely spoil the picture." This comes from a great book I just finished reading titled, "Better Than Beauty, A Guide to Charm." Now, let me explain why this book is so great.
It is an entertaining read because it was originally published in 1938 (and republished a few years ago). Though I found this book to be completely humorous, it is supposed to be a serious book, teaching all women in 1938 how to be charming. While most of the information is timeless and still applies today, I found myself laughing out loud a number of times!
Ms. Valentine and Ms. Thompson, the authors of the book, asked some important men about town back in the day what they felt the worst offensive against grooming that women committed and the number one was the runaway bra shoulder strap! That makes me a good grooming violater. For some reason, no matter what size bra I buy, or how tight I make those damn straps, my shoulders were not meant to hold up straps. I can't tell you the number of times I've been caught digging through my shirt like I was digging for buried treasure, trying to recapture a slipped bra strap. I truly apologize to all men out there who have been a witness to this. However, in our defense, you have to admit that the manner in which we can maneuver that strap back onto the shoulder is nothing short of an acrobatic miracle!
The second faux paux that men considered a grooming offense while this book was being written is the peeping slip. I think I own a slip or two but I rarely wear them, and I think they are extremely short, and at 40, I'm not wearing miniskirts so much anymore, so I don't really worry about this one. I have seen women walking ahead of me with hanging slips, and I'll admit, I don't think much about it. Maybe men are more annoyed at this than women. According to Ms. Valentine and Ms. Thompson, "You can't look charming with dangling underware, so watch your slip!"
And, the number three grooming offense (again, according to men in 1938) is the overstuffed purse. Who do they think they are? First, I'll bet there are very few ladies out there who aren't guilty of this little sin. It just happens. Purses are our catch-all if you will. But, how many times has a man asked you to carry something in your purse for him? I know it happens to me! Maybe our purses wouldn't be overstuffed if we didn't have to carry their junk around. Currently though, I am only carrying a very small purse with just the necessities, like my wallet and check book and my cell phone, and one of my cat's collars (I don't know why, don't ask). The authors give us a quote from one of the men they interviewed about overstuffed purses: "No matter how neat a woman looks, a sloppy, over-filled handbag is a dead giveaway. I know her bureau drawers are a mess. And I suspect her mind is, too." I'm not sure if this man was married at the time, but if he was, I am quite certain that he slept out on the fire escape that night, snuggling with a cold blanket a pigeon.
I would love to see some comments from men on what you find to be a woman's worst grooming habit, or from women on other womens' worst grooming habit! Tell me!
For those who've read my blog, you know I'm unemployed now, and trying to keep a positive happy little life going. Shopping is (yikes...was) a favorite pastime of mine so the biggest challenge I have is resisting the impulse to spend. Before I was laid off this year, I made quite a substantial salary and I never worried about clipping coupons or comparison shopping. I went for convenience and my favorite items over cost because money wasn't an issue. Ah, how the winds have shifted!
Now that my substantial salary is substantially less, I decided last week I should make a list of at least some things I can do without, but I ended up making a list of purchases that I won't do without, even if I have to sell plasma. Of course, this could change in the coming months if I still find myself unemployed, but here is what I can't give up and why:
Organic foods - For the past year, at least 85-90% of the food I've purchased and consumed has been organic/free range. I feel healthier and happier knowing I'm putting less chemicals in my bod. Now that spring/summer is here, local farmers markets are open and local produce is much cheaper at the markets than grocery stores, so I am more able to continue this on unemployment.
Fresh flowers for the week - This may sound a bit decadent to most people, but about 10 years ago, while going through a very depressing episode in my life, my doctor suggested I do one small nice thing for myself, just for me, each week. So, I started buying myself flowers from the local florist on my street. I still buy myself flowers each week, a practice I've kept now for over 10 years, but I find manager's specials at the grocery store rather than at the more expensive florists. So, instead of giving up the ritual, which after all these years still makes me happy, I just buy less expensive arrangements.
Diet Coke - Or, as my boyfriend calls it, "Devil Juice", is an addiction I have. I know it is terrible for me, especially after replacing my other foods with natural products, but it is a habit I can't seem to break, and I don't have a strong desire to replace it with a healthier one. Someone suggested acupuncture to cure the habit, though I haven't looked into it as of yet. Maybe one day soon I'll wake up and think, "I'm not consuming this vile drink anymore." But not today!
