My upcoming wedding at the end of this month has triggered some impromptu introspective reflections about my life and my single status and what that has meant to me over the years. I can honestly say that I have enjoyed being single. There were times when I wasn't in a relationship that I thought I was so over being single, but those moments were short lived and infrequent. I've always considered myself to be a fiercely independent person and I have been (and still am) comfortable being alone. I not only enjoy my autonomy, I've embraced it. Let's face it, I'm getting married for the very first time at the age of 41, so I've had the necessary time to get to know all about me and what I want and don't want out of life. I've dated some great guys and some not so great guys, but the one person who has always been there for me, is me!
Getting married wasn't an item on my life's little checklist that absolutely had to be checked off. I went through my adult life with the attitude, "If I found someone I wanted to grow old with (and I have...thank you Poseidon), then great, and marriage might be something that happens." But, if it doesn't , I would go on living my single life with ease. I mean, why do people have to be part of a couple to be happy? I've been involved in more than one relationship where I was actually happier being alone!
I was reading one of the blogs on Psychology Today called "Living Single - the truth about singles in our society," and there are some great posts about being single and the debate about whether being "coupled" is better than being "single" or the other way around. Anyway, while perusing the posts, I found this great quote:
“What a commentary on civilization, when being alone is considered suspect; when one has to apologize for it, make excuses, hide the fact that one practices it – like a secret vice.”
–Anne Morrow Lindbergh
There is still a stigma attached to single-hood (especially women) and it seems so medieval to me. I've been in groups of friends where I was the only single person and I felt as though I was being pitied or there was something inexcusably wrong with me. Are you kidding me? My life always looked better to me than those couples' did, so no pity for me please (by the way, many of those people are divorced now, and not just on their 1st divorce)...envy me!
I've also known women (and a few men) who were desperate to get married because they no longer wanted to "be alone." I personally never looked at being single as "being alone." I looked at it as the freedom to make my own decisions and choices without having to consider someone else. I also looked at single-hood as a teacher, allowing me to become strong and capable all on my own, which it did. I get so mad when I hear a woman say, "My husband has to take my car to the shop to get the oil changed (and I hear this quite often)." Why does your husband have to do that? Why can't you do that? I can change my own flat tires; I can dig myself out of a snow storm; I'm comfortable going into any restaurant by myself, ordering a nice lunch or dinner and people watch for a couple of hours; I've traveled to many countries by myself; I've lived in big cities by myself; I've lived in small cities by myself. These are just a few things that I, as a single person, learned to do and I am very comfortable with doing them. I almost feel my intellectual and emotional growth would have been stunted had I not stayed single so long.
Now, I don't want my single friends out there to think I'm abandoning them by getting hitched. I'm feeling a little guilty about that to be honest with you. I accidentally found someone I don't mind spending the rest of my life with and marriage is our way of celebrating that.
I don't think I'll have the opportunity to "miss" being single, because I'll be the same person after the wedding vows are said that I am now. Just because I will no longer check the "single" box under marital status doesn't mean my independence and autonomy go out the door with it.
So, I have no regrets at staying single for so long. It was the best life choice I could have made (for me). On the flip side, I'm also looking forward to growing old with Poseidon and starting new adventures together while keeping my independent spirit in tact.
--Fortuitous Observer
